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December 31, 2004

Happy New Year 2004

Happy New Year!! Blah. Blah. Yahoo. Happy. Blah. Yahoo. Hurah. Yell. Drunken slur. I love blah blah blah. Drunk.

I have to admit that New Year's Eve annoys me. It?s amateur night and it puts unnecessary pressure on the average person to make something special out of the night. Most people would love to just stay at home, have a nice dinner, put their kids to bed and fall asleep, but it puts pressure on people that is not needed. We had a great New Year?s the past two years because the ?event? was over by 9PM. Since we have children, we spent it with other friends who have children that need to be in bed by like 8 o?clock. So that way we were home and had a nice quiet evening when the ball was dropped. I guess it was great when it was just another night to party and try to meet girls, but after I left the dating phase, the night was nothing special.

But it is a good time to reflect on the past year and think about what the next year will bring. For me, the past year was summed up in my Christmas newsletter so please read it and I remember being tired a lot. The new year brings hope of a few naps on the weekends and a desire to lose weight. That, and to build a wood shed. I have been trying to build that damn thing for two years now. And a vent fan in the upstairs bathroom. It annoys me that it is not there. And I think it?s pretty simple to install, I have the entire thing planned out already. Material should only cost about 150 bucks. It?s just a matter of getting a weekend to focus on doing it. Another thing I want to do this upcoming year is fly another airline than Delta I hate them to much but please don?t go under because I have 150,000 sky miles you bastards. And clean the basement. And throw out more stuff than I accumulate.

So Happy New Year to all of the 6 people who read this blog and have a great 2005.

December 28, 2004

My Top 3 TV Shows

Patti got me the first season of Twin Peaks on DVD for Christmas. Twin Peaks is easily one of the greatest television shows to ever air. It broke the mold of TV sitcoms and spawned a generation of quirky shows that appealed to those of us who have a slightly left-of-center sense of entertainment. That got me thinking about my favorite TV shows of all time. Here is my top three, plus runner ups, as well as what constitutes a TV show and what does not.

<b>What is a television show?</b>

I am not in show business and I am sure there is a technical definition of a sitcom, but in my world it has the following attributes.

1 ? Has to air for at least one season. Not a made for TV movie or one time event like a concert or something. Not a mini series either.

2 ? Has to have paid actors. I love reality TV, both true ?reality? like fly-on-the-wall shows such as Cops as well as chatter-of-pop-culture like Survivor. That?s an interesting distinction. Survivor, the Bachelor, Fear Factor, and all of those that have popped up in the last 4 years are not true ?Reality? TV. They are scripted, have activities, have writers and directors and hope to have a certain outcome. They are great and I love Survivor, but real reality is a camera that tags along and let?s something run a normal course. Cops is a perfect example. I hate to say this, but so is that show with Jennifer Simpson and her husband. And you know what one of the earliest reality TV shows was? ?This Old House?!! A camera, a host, and film of people building things. Great stuff. Anyway, one of the reasons reality TV is such a great idea for investors is that you do not have to pay the actors. There is little risk in producing a reality show. Look at all the stupid crap that failed. While ?Friends? actors were getting paid a million dollars a show, Survivor gave out a million dollars to ONE person after 12 or 14 weeks of shows. Great idea. Earlier this year I got to meet with Larry Namer, the founder of the E! Channel and one of the folks starting a reality channel, and he said that a typical show like Cheers films 8 hours of tape for every one hour that gets aired. Reality TV films 60 hours for every one hour. So there is cost in the editing but that is nothing compared to not having to pay a bunch of actors. SO, to be considered a TV show it has to have paid actors reading scripts.

3 ? No sporting events. I like Monday Night Football, but I don?t think anyone would consider it a TV show.

4 ? No News Magazine shows. I like Dateline and 60 Minutes but that doesn?t count. You need a story line that runs through a few shows.

5 ? I am sure there is a difference between half hour comedies and one hour dramas, but not to me. They both fall under the TV sitcom discussion.

So, with the rules established, here are my top three as well as some runner-ups.

<b>My Top Three</b>

1 ? The top three could all go 1-2-3, but if a gun were put to my head, I would have to say Twin Peaks was my favorite show of all time. It is a toss up with the second one listed, but Twin Peaks was so unbelievably original and quirky it captured my attention every Saturday night. I would either watch it Saturday night or tape it and watch in early the next day. I loved the show. It was only until recently that I found out it was actually a pretty bad failure in the ratings. It was only on for two seasons but has one of the most loyal and passionate fan bases for anything out there. The writing was crisp and interesting, the camera shots and filming was beautiful (it took place in Northwest US), the characters were pleasant to look at and it had just enough bizarre twists to keep me interested. If someone did not watch the show from the pilot episode through the first one or two, it would be like reading the first half of a thriller in Russian, confusing and annoying, unless you speak Russian I guess. My point is the show would have been way too confusing if you did not see if from the beginning. Funny thing about the first episode on DVD. It does not have the pilot episode. That is actually pretty hard to find. Something about one company owning the pilot episode and only releasing it outside the US on DVD and another company owning the TV show. So my first choice would have to be Twin Peaks. Watching the first episode on DVD has brought back every single reason I loved the show. So many GREAT story lines, writing, characters (FBI agent Albert makes me cry I am so happy).

2 ? Little House on the Prairie. Make fun all you want but this was a great show. I had a hard time deciding if Little House or Twin Peaks was my favorite of all time. Maybe I like Little House because it first aired in 1975 when I was 4 and living in Liberia (my father worked for Pan Am) and it was one of the shows we got over there. Maybe I like it because part of me wishes I lived back then when life was hard but the rules were simple and goals in life were pure. Maybe I like it because the show strived to teach lessons, had humor, heart ache (remember when the Ingall?s son died), tragedy, drama, suspense and excitement. It ran for 9 seasons with a few specials. Some of the latter years kind of stunk like when Laura started dating and married Almonzo Wilder or when Mary goes blind, but it always had a strong story line and good sets (story took place in Minnesota but filmed in California). When Emily gets old enough, I am going to get the DVD if they have all seasons and make it a special thing for her and me to watch them together.

3 ? Northern Exposure. I loved this show for a lot of the same reasons I loved Twin Peaks. Great and original writing, great characters and pretty set location. Northern Exposure had the benefit of sticking to happy and encouraging stories lines while Twin Peaks had a dark side to it. Northern Exposure ran for 6 seasons and started around the same time as Twin Peaks, 1990 or so. Throughout the 6 seasons, it never lost the quirky edge or introduction of new characters that dooms other shows. One of the reasons I think I liked this show so much was that the community of Cicely was a lot like most families. At times dysfunctional, argumentative and contentious, but mostly about taking care of each other and providing support. Joel Fleischman embodied what most of us are not ? brash, to the point, overbearingly honest and direct. The show died because they brought in Ducky to be the doctor when the actor playing Fleischman left. That and it was time. Shows like Northern Exposure need to die out before they fade.

So with my top three, there are some runner-ups.

<b>Runner Up</b>

<u>Fantasy Island</u> ? I am talking about the original series with Ricardo Montalban and Tattoo and not the awful remake with Malcolm McDowell. Great show. Smiles everyone, Smiles!! Ha. Great 7 or so seasons of people walking off the plane into a Twilight Zone type hour of fun.

<u>Hill Street Blues</u> ? I love NYPD Blue but Hill Street Blues was the beginning. The same guy created both shows so you would image they would have the same edge. With a crime show, just like a hospital show, it is easy to get interesting story lines. But Hill Street seemed to keep a dark undercurrent to it that appealed to me as an 11 year old boy. Hill Street changed the way cops shows were produced.

<u>St. Elsewhere</u> ? I can hum the opening tune anytime, anywhere. The only thing that I didn?t like was the way it ended. The snow globe thing bugged me. The show was a hospital version of Hill Street Blues so maybe that is why I liked it. Watching the reruns is like hitting the jackpot in ?Hey, look how young that guy was back then? game.

<u>Thirtysomething </u>? Now that I am actually ?thirty something?, I look back on this show and think to myself ?my life is not like that?. In some ways it is, but not as yuppie-ish as their lives. Despite that, it was a great drama. Maybe I liked it because it tackled small issues, large issues and made me feel comfortable about getting older.

<u>Melrose Place/Knots Landing</u> ? I had to group these two together even though they were completely different. Both were nonsense prime time soap operas that had stupid story lines and great looking actors. Even thought these type of shows dumb down America, they are entertaining and require little intellect. Sometimes that is needed.

<u>Mash </u>? This was hard to leave off my top-three list. I loved this show. Great writing, lessons in some of the episodes and pure entertainment in others, great characters, tough theme that usually involves death and horrible outcomes, and a great ending to the series. Funny though, I didn?t really like the movie that spawned the TV show. Plus, the earlier episodes were better with Frank Burns, Trapper and Henry Blake. Nothing against Charles, BJ or Sherman Potter, but I liked the earlier guys better. And having Blake killed was an act of genius.

<u>Roseanne </u>? As a general rule, TV shows that show a slice of life do better because people watch them in the comfort of their own homes, and movies that are action or fantasy tend to do better because people get out of the comfort of their own homes to watch them. Roseanne, or better yet All In The Family, displayed a dysfunctional family that made all of us feel better about our own lives. Let?s face it, every family has its problems, and watching Roseanne made people feel good. The reason I like Roseanne better than All In The Family was because of the timing of it. All In The Family might have appealed to me more if I were a young adult in the 70s, but the themes didn?t make sense as much as the ones on Roseanne.

<u>I Love Lucy</u> ? This is a classic and if I can watch reruns of a black and white comedy show and still like it, they did something right. The show aired in the early 50s and I think has never stopped running (reruns, of course). I love the over-the-top acting by Lucile Ball and the wacky story lines. A show before its time.

<b>The Rest</b>

Based on preference, there were a ton of great shows out there. I can?t talk about Gun Smoke, Bonanza or the Andy Griffith Show because they were before my time and I was never around a TV station that showed the reruns.

And there are a ton of great shows that I loved and where ground breaking in their own way, like The Brady Bunch, Gilligan?s Island, The Honeymooners, Cheers, China Beach, Happy Days, The Simpsons, Barney Miller, Chips, Knight Rider and Mork and Mindy, but I had I had to draw the line somewhere.

The question you might be asking is what about the great comedies like Friends and Seinfeld. The biggest problem I have with them, and when I compare them to Cheers, is the design of the show. Take a look at a classic like All In The Family or Cheers, and it was basically one set and each episode had long scenes and long dialogue and looked and felt like a small play. Then take a look at Seinfeld or Friends. Each scene is short, quick and then jumps to another scene or shot. Both shows have great writing and were funny, but I wouldn?t put them in the same league as some of the older shows. I love Seinfeld as much as the next person, but watch a few episodes of that and a few of All In The Family, Mash or Cheers, and you get a different feeling. Kind of like walking through a house that was built in the 18th century and one that was built a year ago.

Finally, I did not mention some great British shows. I spent the first few years of my life living overseas and traveled a great deal when growing up. My father is especially fond of Great Britain and I remember watching Fawlty Towers, Monty Python and Are You Being Served while growing up. Fawlty Towers had one scene that I remember laughing so hard that my stomach hurt for days. But I kept these shows off my list because they were not main stream TV programs in the US.

I love TV. I watch sports, I watch News Magazine programs, I watch PBS and the History Channel. I also watch Survivor and NYPD Blue and channel surf until my wife is about to kill me. We are almost done with the first season of Twin Peaks and I can?t wait to get the rest of the episodes. Some elitists think that TV is the downfall of our society, but I think it?s the campfire or fireplace of our time. I still talk to my wife, I still play with my kids, I still learn things, I just do it while watching TV sometimes.

December 24, 2004

Christmas Eve

10:20 PM Christmas Eve? We are about to go to bed. Jim and Pat, Patti?s parents, drove up from NY and got in around 6. For the past month or so, Patti and I have been building up Christmas so that by now Emily is looking like Ted Kennedy at an open bar. We explained how the Santa process works, you know, comes down the chimney, eats cookies and milk, leaves gifts, head up the chimney, gets on sleigh pulled by animals, goes to next house. We tried to explain the religious significance but it went right over her 39 inch head.

So after we had dinner with Jim and Pat, we cleaned up and put out all of the gifts that were hidden in the three season porch. I took some pictures so you can get a true sense, but it?s unbelievable. Presents everywhere. We exchange with some very close friends and family and there are a lot of little gifts for the kids. Patti and Emily made cookies so on the end table near the tree is a plate with crumbs of two chocolate chips and an empty glass of milk.

Emily went to bed knowing that ?Santa? was going to come so we are planned for a super-hyper-anxious morning. We have everything set and will try to keep her upstairs until at least 7 so we can get a little bit of sleep. Ethan is in our room tonight because the in-laws are in the guest room, which is his room, so I imagine I will end up sleeping on the couch because I can?t sleep when the little ones are in bed with us for fear of rolling on them and if he was in his crib I would sleep very lightly thinking he would wake up soon.

Patti wanted to start a tradition, actually a few traditions, but one where we would get new pajamas each Christmas and wear them in the morning. I sleep in sweat pants and a t-shirt so I voted for new sweats and a new T, but Patti chose something a little more coordinated and festive.

So tomorrow should be fun. I am more excited about this Christmas than the past few years because Emily is old enough to start getting into the spirit. Her and I went to pick out a Christmas tree together and she had to bring the tree skirt into the actual yard where the trees were. She was afraid of Santa in person but talks about him like he is some magical and mysterious red-clothed bearded man who flies in the sky on a square boat pulled by next week?s dinner.

Anyway, I will post an update tomorrow to let you know how it goes. Merry Christmas and all of our best to each of you.

- David

December 21, 2004

Cotton Headed Ninny Muggins

"You're not a cotton headed ninny muggins, you're just special."

That was for my friend Brian, Squirrel Man of Watertown.

Brian was telling me about his annual Christmas party that I missed (because I was in Atlanta) and he played Santa and his roommate played the ?Elf?, including tickle fights. I went out and rented the movie that night. Watched it three times in 3 days.

I still think ?Get off the shed? was the funniest skit SNL has had in a long long time. By the way, SNL sucks so bad that I actually fast forward through 4 out of 5 skits when I watch the tape every Sunday morning. I am at the point where I think watching the a rebroadcast of game 7 of the Yankee/Red Sox playoff game in October is better than the crap SNL brings out every Saturday. Christ, my daughter writes better stuff on the wall with crayons.

December 20, 2004

Project Aught 5

A couple of weeks ago Patti and I were talking about one of the home improvement projects I was planning for the spring. She asked me if we were rich, would I still do all the work around the house. My response was ?No, I would do more, only bigger projects and I would use better material?.

Then to prove my point I said that I thought the ideal job would be as a full time writer (assuming I had the skill) where I would write for 4 hours a day and work on projects for the other 4-8 hours of time that I currently devote to work.

The conversation moved away from home improvement projects to writing. Patti then told me she thought I should write one thing a day for a full year and put all of those ?essays? into a book and it would be about one year in the life of a 30-something year old male white management consultant. Fascinating, I know. But then I thought about it and think it?s kind of a cool idea.

So starting on January 1 and continuing for the next 365, I am going to write something every day. Some days it will be one of my rants about Delta or politics or drivers on the highway, other days it will be about what I did at work, sometimes I?ll write about my kids, or the weather, or a movie I saw, or a feeling I had. I am going to use a blog that I am going to set up to capture my ?essays? and put it on a website that only I know about. I am not sure what I am going to call the site, maybe www.alligatoroffice.com or www.swampthingtwosucked.com, but some site that there will be a one in a million chance someone will stumble across it but if they do, WOW, what excitement.

Anyway, when my book signing comes to your town, I might give you a book for free.

- Dave

December 16, 2004

Starbucks

Starbucks is wildly successful. Good for them. They have taken the corner store, mom and pop coffee house concept and made a ton of money with it. They put some people out of business, but that is what a free market is all about. Starbucks offers a large selection of coffee and beverages, some snacks, a few trinkets, and does it in a cool way. It appeals to a wealthier crowd then some of their competitors. But for me, I hate Starbucks. Take the quality of their coffee out of the equation because I am sure it is technically very good coffee. Here is why I hate them.

1 ? You have to speak and read Latin to order coffee. I hate it. It?s pretentious.
2 ? There is a waiting room for getting your coffee. I think the other day I saw someone starve to death while waiting for their order.
3 ? It costs over 4 dollars for a cup of coffee with some cream. Way to expensive. Unless it contains a shot of Stoli, not sure why it costs so much.

Good for them. I read that the average customer visits 18 times a month. Spending 4 bucks on a cup of coffee. No offense to Orin Smith, but I'll stick to Dunkin Donuts.

Thought I?d share.

December 15, 2004

NYPD Blue

NYPD Blue is a great show for trying to identify actors who make guest appearances. Almost every week there is someone, a victim or a criminal, who has been in something else. For example, last night there were two people who I recognized but could not identify until 4AM as I lay awake in my bed thinking about it. One was the guy who played the neighbor in ?Married With Children? and the other played one of Martin?s friends in ?Martin?.

Thought I'd share.

December 13, 2004

Delta, good job

Delta, you did it again

Hey Delta, you are like a great airline that I really love, only opposite. This past Sunday you did it again. If there is one goal I am going to accomplish in 2005, it is to take my 75K miles a year of expensive tickets and use it on another airline. Any other airline.

I was in Atlanta this weekend with my 2 year old daughter visiting my parents. On Sunday morning I was checking in around 9:30. I had one bag and the booster seat. The bag was kind of heavy and when I weighed it at my parents house I knew it would be very close to the 50 pound limit for bags. So this is how the check in process went.

- I walked up and received a very cold welcome from the lady behind the counter. No big deal. She deals with passengers all the time so she is probably pretty miserable.

- I had checked in at the kiosk so all I had to do was give her my two pieces of check-in stuff, a black pull bag and Emily?s car seat. My parents were keeping Emily occupied elsewhere so she was not with me.

- The ticket agent then asked to see Emily. Not sure why, but she did. So I had to signal for my parents to bring her over. As they were walking up, the agent was taking her booster seat and putting in on the conveyer belt, which made my daughter upset and she started to cry.

- I then put the bigger bag on the pass-through and the lady looked down at the scale. It was 53 pounds. 3 pounds over the limit.

- The woman looked at me and said ?It is over the limit, you will need to reduce the weight by 3 pounds?. Now, I cannot argue with her. Well, I can, but decided not to, because according to the rules, it was the over the limit. So there I was, crying daughter in my arms, my parents standing there, busy airport, looking at her like ?You have got to be joking??? Well, she was not joking.

- Having the foresight that Delta is evil and they would get me even if it was 1 ounce over, I asked to borrow a small bag from my parents and brought it in with me to the airport. I then gave my daughter back to my mother, opened up the big bag, took a pair of sneakers out, and put them into the other bag. That brought the weight back down to 50 pounds.

- So I checked one additional bag. To make a point, the ticket agent increased the amount of bags that someone at Delta has to handle. They do not care that I am gold medallion, and could just give me a break. No. They do not think about that because I was 3 pounds over the limit. When I flew on United and American this past year with my wife and daughter, I had bags that were over. The person checking me in let it slide because it was not over by a lot, it was in a bag that is easy to handle, and I had a family and the airline actually appreciated me for flying them and their motto is not ?Who needs damn customers?.

Delta, you are a joke. I know you will say things like ?we strive to reach the highest level of customer satisfaction possible? and ?our agents are trained to abide by strict rules governing bag weight limits? and ?we do not care about you because you will fly us no matter what so shut it or we will make it worse?. I wish there were other choices on the east coast that I could use. There are, but they are less convenient than you. But like I said, my goal in 2005 is to give my money to someone else. Goodbye. Again.

My weekend with Emily

Friday morning I flew to Atlanta with Emily to visit my parents. I had two tickets on Delta that were going to expire at the end of this year so I decided to take a weekend trip/adventure with my 2 and ? year old and see my folks. This is how the trip went.

- The flight was at 9AM on Friday morning so we decided to leave the house at 7. With traffic and forecasted rain, we thought about 45 minutes to an hour to drive the 12 miles to the airport with plenty of time get checked and through security. Well, picture this ? Friday morning, it?s cold, dark and raining outside, Ethan and Patti are sleeping soundly in the bed in Ethan?s room, I am fast asleep after coming off three weeks of a very tough assignment, Emily is snoring away and dreaming of coloring on freshly painted walls, and it?s 6:35. Patti woke up and started the fire drill. But I showered and dressed, Patti got ready and got Emily and Ethan dressed, fed, and we got our stuff and were in the car by 7:15. Very little traffic and we were at the gate by 10 minutes to 8.

- My parents picked us up and Emily could not have been more excited. Emily really really loves spending time with both sets of grandparents. We got lunch and got back to the house around 3PM. I was taking a nap 20 minutes later. It was amazing.

- My parents have a house that is almost perfect for little kids. Large ranch, big rooms, long hallways, and almost all of it carpeted. Emily pretty much was able to get a running start on one end and pick up enough speed to really do some damage. When I woke up from my nap she was wearing her underwear, an adult t-shirt with a fabric belt, and stockings, running around the house. My parents brought out a bunch of toys and it was romper room.

- We spent Saturday shopping. Actually, I tried to get Red Sox tickets online in the morning with no luck and my father and Emily spent the morning outside causing trouble, but we spent the afternoon shopping. Nothing crazy. The mall, Barnes and Noble, a flee market, then home. And then another glorious nap. 90 minutes of lying in bed while my father watched Emily. Wonderful time. Sleeping. And not feeling guilty or worrying about things. Wonderful.

- Oh, the airplane ride on Friday, I forgot. It was the first time I took her on a plane by myself. For the most part not a big deal. She was not in a car seat because she is now riding in a booster seat and they do not work on planes, but she did ok. A couple of times she really wanted to get out and I had to come up with some pretty creative ways to keep her in, and when we were set in the landing pattern and could not get out of our seats she HAD to go to the bathroom right then and cried which kind of sucked, but what can you do. I covered her mouth and tried to get her to stop. If she offended someone, too (expletive deleted) bad, she was good for 2 hours of a 2 hour and 10 minute flight.

- Back on Sunday, flight was good, got a Christmas tree, had some family time, then back to work on Sunday.

December 08, 2004

Spam on my site

The evil spam people have found me and are in the process of shutting my site down. I have been getting 5 or 10 a day, sometimes 20 or so, but some days not any. Now I am getting about 5 a minute and have a feeling my site will be shut down. I am not sure how to combat these jerks so if I do get shut down, I will figure something out. The issue is that they can post a comment to my blogs and do it in an automated way, trying to sell their gambling and weight loss crap.

The source of most of them seems to be http://www.poker-rooms-777.com. So whatever you do, DO NOT go to that site. Those bastards.

I am kind of curious to see the spam, also called knights of darkness, will keep posting comments forever or until the comment bin gets too full and blows up.

Also, don't go to http://www.1-texas-holdem.us, that seems to be another source of my pain.

Jason Giambi was using steroids?

I just heard the shocking news that Jason Giambi was doing steroids? When was this announced? This is the first I ever heard of it. I don?t know about this nonsense. Jason does not have the body type that would indicate steroid use. He is so thin and lanky. I thought his monster home runs came from his text book perfect baseball swing. When he came back this year, he lost so much weight by not eating junk food and Doritos. And if there is one thing I am sure of, it is that NO ONE else in Major League Baseball is doing steroids. Boy, doing steroids. I would have been less shocked if I heard Cashman was slaughtering a goat before each playoff game. And as sure as I am that the sun will rise, I KNOW Steinbrenner did not know Jason was doing steroids when he paid him 17 million a year to come to Yankee stadium to play first base.

By the way, I am being sarcastic.

December 02, 2004

Boston Celtics Fan Website

I got an email the other day from someone who runs a Boston Celtics fan website. This person wanted me to link their site to my anti red sox site and they would link my site to theirs. Um, I might be way off here, but why the f**k would I want Celtic fans coming to my site. Unless of course they are Yankee fans but the chances of that are, oh, I don?t know, about zero. And on top of it, I would watch the Knitting Channel before I watched a Celtic?s game. I am not a big NBA fan and pretty much only watch the Knicks when there is absolutely nothing else or when the NBA is deep into the playoffs (usually the Nicks and ?deep into the playoffs? are not said in the same sentence) when good teams are playing. So sure, I will link to your Celtics fan site, right after I post naked pictures of myself.