Wonder Sauna Hot Pants
Wonder Sauna David Pants
Why didn't I think of the million dollar wonder pants. Why??
January 19, 2008
Security Conveyer Belt
Some times I’m the tornado, sometimes I’m the trailer.
There were two conveyer belts working at the Delta Shuttle terminal security in NY late Friday afternoon. One security screen, but two belts. I got to the airport at 4:30PM, and since the 4:30 was delayed, I was told I could get on it. Nice.
I walked up to get through the painful process of security, with only my briefcase, and said to myself “great, two conveyer belts, this is going to be a breeze”.
Wrong.
I chose the one on the left. There were two ladies in front of me, moving kind of slow taking out all of their jewelry and toiletries and crap, but not painfully slow. Just as I got out my laptop and took my jacket and shoes off, the guy watching the x-ray TV left…to collect bins. UGHH. The other belt had THREE people working it, one watching the TV and two bringing bins. The one I chose, of course, had one guy doing everything.
So I sat there while he took his sweet ass time getting the bins back. Looking at the other side moving like a conga line.
He got back to his TV, viewed one bag, and left his TV to take a look at the 15 bottles of crap this lady had in her bag. SHE did not read the 3-1-1 instructions. WHY NOT did she read the instructions. All of our lives would get along much quicker if she only took what she was allowed. 311 my friends, 311.
So I sat there. The other line looked like the starting gate at a horserace. People who were behind me before were now getting off their plane at their final destination. I sat there collecting dust.
So I picked up all of my crap, asked the person at the other belt if I could cut in line, very nicely, she let me, and I put my stuff down.
The belt stopped. AAAHHHH. Oh no oh no oh no, why did it stop.
Apparently someone put his bag OVER his laptop in the bin and put it through. Violation…5 minute major.
So the belt had to back out everything, the guy had to come BACK through the scanner, and take it out.
And what was the belt I was previously at doing…YEP. Moving like a cashier at a grocery store checkout contest. My treadmill at home at 7 miles per hour. A UPS processing line two weeks before Christmas.
So I cursed myself for moving to the other lane, waited it out, and finally got through.
Oh well. I should just have waited it out on the first line, things will even out over time.
PS. There is a nice ending to this.
I got on the plane and the pilot said that it was delayed because right before take-off, the co pilot (or maybe it was the first officer, whatever) got sick and had to leave. There is a stomach virus going around the NY and Boston area, something that I have detailed knowledge of myself (got sick while on a business trip, ugh), more on that in another post, maybe. So the pilot was on the PA system, and this is what he said…
“Right before we were to pull back the first officer got sick and we are waiting on another pilot who is coming in from a flight from Boston…not sure when the plane is supposed to land but should be no more than 30 minutes…wait, the plane is pulling up to the gate next to us. We should be pulling back in a couple of minutes.”
I looked out the window and sure enough the plane was there.
Then as we were taxing out.
“Earlier today there was about a 50 minute wait to take off so…we are second in line, flight attendants please prepare the cabin for take off.”
AND I got the last open seat without someone next to me, a window seat and I got an amazing view of Manhattan just as the sun was below the horizon, with a bright red glow in the sky and lights in the building starting to come on. It was beautiful. I really should travel with a digital camera, pictures of the urban landscape can be amazing.
I got home in time to see all three kids before they went to bed.
January 17, 2008
Jeopardy
The answer. Samurai, sashimi, tuna, ginger and eel.
The question. What were the 5 correct responses, all of which I got right, last night for the “Sushi” category on Jeopardy?
January 14, 2008
Kid vomit. Or regurgitating.
Warning. This story is pretty disgusting.
Saturday morning Emerson (1 year, 11 months, 2 weeks old) woke up covered in vomit. It was disgusting.
He threw up a couple of times during the night but didn’t cry, so we didn’t hear him. We gave him a bath and I took the other two children to swim class. The ladies that run the child care at the gym, which I use before swim, told me that something was going around. Ugh.
Emerson threw up once more in the morning after I left with the kids.
Sunday night I was driving home with the older two (Emily 5, Ethan 3) from dinner when Emily started complaining that her stomach really hurt. We go out to dinner after (another) swim class Sunday evenings and since she downed a glass of chocolate milk after dinner like she was a freshman at Arizona State U drinking free beer, I figured it would pass.
We got home and while she was sitting on the toilet, she threw up all over herself. Gross. I put her in the shower and she continued to throw up in the shower. She then continued to pretty much throw up the rest of the evening over sheets, towels, blankets and other assorted linens. Even Patti's slippers. Heck, the bed skirt got it.
Then Ethan started to throw up, all over more bed linens.
We were losing the battle on bed linens.
So throughout the evening Patti got up with the kids to help them get to the bathroom, or at least to the bucket next to their beds, so we didn’t have to start pulling the carpet up to use as a blanket for warmth.
This morning was a snow day so no school anyway, but the older two were very pale and probably dehydrated. But no more regurgitating. Thank God. It was really pretty awful, it was like a stomach virus convention.
Just thought I’d share.
Dave
PS. While talking to my father over the weekend, he told me the proper term was "regurgitate". I didn't know what the difference was from "vomit", so here it is...
Vomiting is the ejection of contents of the stomach and upper intestine; regurgitation is the ejection of contents of the esophagus.
How one tells where the half digested hot dogs and french fries came from is beyond me. Either way, it's about as disgusting as it gets with parenting.
Winter wonderland
We’ve had a pretty crazy winter so far and last night we got more snow. Below are some pictures for those who live in warm climates and don’t get to see much of the white stuff.
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Pictures taken near our house after I shoveled cement-like snow.
January 11, 2008
Mazda zoom zoom
So if I buy a Mazda, I, too, can be arrogant and condescending?
David Gray
Me: I think David Gray is completely underrated as a musician. People have no idea how good he really is.
Colleague: Who is David Gray?
Me: EXACTLY!!
Nancy Grace...eat her own cub
I entered a hotel elevator last night heading to my room after checking in. The elevators at the NY Hilton have TVs that play CNN or a commercial for whatever conference is there at the time. Anyway, I looked up and saw Nancy Grace, an annoying lunatic who has an awful show on CNN. This episode was apparently about her giving birth to twins, which is narcissistic even for self-interest grabbing hacks like Nancy. So just as I looked up, on the scroll bar that runs across the bottom of the screen, and just below a picture of Nancy Grace with her twins in her arms, I read the following text…
…eat her own cubs.
eat her own cubs
It turns out the scroll bar news was about a polar bear or something I think. Or maybe it WAS about Nancy Grace.
January 10, 2008
Jan 10 Republican Debate
I watched the debate tonight.
Fred Thompson, you did great. Good for you. I love the sarcasm.
Ron Paul, what the (expletive deleted) happened? You sounded like a crazy man. I’ve heard Red Sox fans make more sense arguing about the Yankees. And to think at one time I liked you. Ronnie, you broke my heart, you broke my heart.
January 08, 2008
College hockey game
On December 30 I took Ethan to a college hockey game, Boston University. They were playing another college in their conference, Merrimac. I’ve taken Emily to a couple of games and Ethan is about the right age. It’s a great time for kids. I have season tickets 5 rows from almost center ice, right behind the home bench. Great seats.
So Ethan and I drove in and were having a good time. He was really excited and liked the action. While standing in line, I started talking to a young lady who works for the arena, called Agganis, about my tickets and how much we enjoy going.
In the third period of each game, they announce a Season Ticket Holder of the game award. I pay attention each time I go because, well, because I have season tickets. So Ethan and I were hanging out at our seats in the third period and we heard…
“Tonight’s season ticket holder of the game is…David Dobrindt, section 112, row E…congratulations David”.
Holy crap, I won. Of course everyone in the arena looked to where our seats were to find out who won. So I pointed at this huge jumbotron above the ice where they were displaying my name to show Ethan that our name was up there. Just as I pointed up, they showed Ethan and I on the jumbotron. Live, in color. The camera panned to us and just as Ethan looked up he saw himself on TV. It was GREAT. So there we were, me kind of clapping and smiling, Ethan with his hair kind of messed up, a long sleeve tshirt on that said “I do my own stunts”, waving and smiling at himself on this huge camera as people cheered for him.
The prize was a free night’s stay at the Hotel Commonwealth, which Patti and I will use in the spring. It was a lot of fun and I know Ethan got a kick out of it.
Just thought I'd share.
January 04, 2008
Jan 3 Iowa Caucus
Good times last night, good times.
First, B to A to R.A.C.K.O.B.A.M.A
No idea what I'm talking about? Watch the "I Got A Crush On Obama" video on YouTube, but be WARNED that it is a bit racy. Actually, not a bit, but a lot. You have been warned. Click here for the video. WARNING, it's got a half naked girl dancing around. You've been warned. I try not to promote video clips with attractive women other than my wife, but it has a politic spin to it. Sort of.
Second, I didn't know Barack smoked. I just heard he was a pretty big smoker. If you doesn't win the oval office, he could be the Attorney General.
Finally, not sure who has more egg on their face, Mrs. Bill Clinton or Mitt Romney. I want to say Hil because a huge group of conservative christians voted for the Huckster, and general opinion is that Mitt will do better outside of Iowa, but who knows.
And did I hear Richardson say on Foxnews this morning that he is happy he was in the top four. Ha. Let's recap the outcome...Obama 37.6%, Edwards 29.7%, Clinton 29.5%, Richardson 2.1%. That's kind of like saying Hank Aaron and I have 755 home runs between us.
Mitt, oh handsome Mitt, just stop with the ads in Massachusetts. Why spend the money, it's lost and nothing you do will get it back. Just focus on the other 49 states.
More later.
January 03, 2008
The Box with Cameron Diaz
Last November I was jogging on Brooke Road in my town and saw a bunch of trailers parked at a local elementary school. I also started to notice signs around town that said “Crew” with an arrow pointing the way to some location. Then two weeks ago, on Dec 18, I was leaving my house at 9AM to go to my daughter’s school holiday concert and at the corner of my street, going down the cross street, was a ton of activity. I live on a dead end and in a pretty quiet neighborhood, so a bunch of trucks, people out in the cold and snow (it had just snowed a total of 20 inches with no warm weather), and other nonsense, I knew something was up.
I stopped a guy and asked him what was going on and he told me they were filming a movie. Ah, a movie. The Box. I had heard about it but these kinds of things don’t usually interest me. I like going to the movies, and I think the entire process is interesting, but I have other stuff to care about. So it turns out they have been filming a Cameron Diaz film in my town for the past couple of months. No one called me to fill a role in it.
Anyway, if you are interested, there was an article in the Globe today about what’s going on. So not only is Milton the 7th best place to live in the country, and home to our governor, and home to the 17th richest person in the nation, it is a place to film a movie.
By the way, my neighbor worked detail for one day of shooting, and said Cameron Diaz is very nice. And very pretty.
thought I'd share.
January 02, 2008
San Francisco Zoo Tiger Attack
One zoo visitor was mauled to death and two others severely injured when a Siberian tiger escaped from its grotto at the San Francisco Zoo early Christmas evening and went on a bloody rampage in front of terrified zoo patrons.
Should I be concerned that for Christmas Patti got me a pass to the Franklin Park Zoo with a t-shirt that says "Sweet Meat" on the front?
Conversation with Emily
The other night Emily (5) went to bed while Patti and I were downstairs watching TV. We heard a loud bang, something obviously fell in the kid's room.
Me: (yelling from downstairs, we have a small house and can communicate from one floor to another pretty easily) What was that big bang?
Emily: My make up case (she got a toy makeup case for Christmas)
Me: How did it fall?
Emily: I don’t know, I wasn’t looking.
Me: Do you think it was you?
Emily: I might have been my arm.
January 01, 2008
2008 New Year's Resolutions
My New Year’s resolutions.
I am not going to throw out meaningless resolutions, one’s that are nebulous (be a better person), unrealistic (learn to fly), lofty (achieve world peace) or irrelevant (knit socks for my kids). I want my resolutions to be real, specific and attainable. Otherwise, why create them. In fact, why create them just because it’s the start of a new year. To be honest, I kind of think New Year’s Day, as one of the year’s major holidays, is a joke. It doesn’t have any religious meaning, it doesn’t act as remembrance for a significant event, it doesn’t honor anyone or any act that took place. It’s basically to give people off from partying the night before and shuts down the world because of a change in the calendar, an arbitrary event in our lives that we have nothing to do with.
Anyway, making a new goal just because it’s a Tuesday is kind of dumb. People should make goals when it means something, like they realize they are too heavy to get into their clothes, or their short temper has landed them with a fat lip after arguing over a parking spot. But since we let the gym pass sit on top of a fridge for the last three months of the year, or let a new book sit unread on the nightstand through the end of the year just because we know we can get back on the horse on January 1, well, here are my resolutions.
1. Be a better person.
2. Climb Everest.
3. Solve world peace.
Ok, my real ones. And this is in addition to my To-Do list, like change the shutters, clean the attic and build new picture frames for the living room. And this is also in addition to basic principles of my ethic and moral code, like respect women, treat the elderly with respect, say thank you and please, be polite to strangers, and help others whenever they need it.
Here it goes…
1. Run my second marathon.
2. Sit in my living room twice a month, after the kids go to bed, and read a book. Do not turn on the TV or radio, do not check scores on my laptop, in fact leave the laptop off, and do not check email on my blackberry. Do not answer my home or cell phone, leave the laundry in the basket, forget about the dishes in the sink, let the kid’s toys stay where they are, put the vacuum back in the closet, and just read a book. From roughly 8 PM until I go to bed, sit down with nothing on except a light or two and read a book. Do this twice a month, preferably with a glass of wine and Patti doing it as well.
3. Do some kind of physical activity every day. Last year was pretty good with the gym, lifting weights and running, but it could be better. I need to drop another 10 pounds, and I plan on doing that, damn it. Something every day, even if it’s a little, is better than nothing.
4. Be more patient with my kids. They are young people, and do not do things on purpose to get me upset or frustrated, they do it because they are 5, 3 and 2. I need to be more patient with them.
5. Limit house projects to one at a time. Do not start another project until I finish one that has been started.
6. Do something as a family at least once a weekend, and it doesn’t mean being in the backyard together while I stain the deck or trim the bushes. Leave the house if it’s raining and go the mall, take a drive to the beach, go to the park, walk around the city, go hiking in the Blue Hills, take them to the top of the Pru building, take them on long bike rides, visit the North Shore, SOMETHING that involves all 5 of us and being somewhere. Our time together is short, and I need to remember that, every day.
7. Pack the dishwasher better, this drives Patti nuts.
8. Throw out things that I don’t need, even if I have space in my attic to keep them and I might need them one day many years from now. If I still need it when I am 70, I can buy another one.
9. Reach out to my friends at least once a month without needing a favor, advice or looking for someone to take Red Sox tickets I can’t use. At least once a month, get together with my guy friends and have a beer, play horseshoes or go for a run, play football or just throw the ball around.
10. Slow down in the car. And stay in my lane, the other lanes are not always greener.
11. Shut the kitchen cabinet doors when Patti leaves them open, and do not tell her that I shut them. I secretly love that she does this, because it’s a habit that she doesn’t know she has.
12. Be more still. Sit in one spot when watching TV, reading, or eating breakfast and lunch. Stop getting up, fidgeting, and generally doing things when I should be still. Sit still, damn IT.
13. Use the digital video camera we got two years ago with AmEx points that basically sits on the mantel collecting dust. Take more family pictures, maybe even ones that involve going to Sears or a photo studio and paying someone a lot of money to take it.
14. Don’t be so critical of other’s opinions, especially when it involves politics, sports, music, taste in movies, what books they read and how they treat their children. Also, don’t take things so personally when others make fun of me or criticize me about politics, sports, movies, books and how I treat my children. Don’t get so upset when I find out I was not invited to something, when someone cancels on me, and when I was not included in an email. I have friends and family who love me, care about me, and I need to trust in the big picture.
I guess I could add more, but what’s the point. I would just be getting too deep into self analysis and that is never good. I hope to stick to my new year’s resolutions but if I don’t, I don’t, life goes on.
Dave out.