Having Three Kids - After One Month
Today marks exactly one month that we have had three children. To start things off, I want to be clear on one thing. Three children were not by design. Anyone who plans to have two children 18 months apart with a third under 4 years of age is either crazy or drunk. Most days I fall into both categories but this time getting pregnant was an accident. We might have had three anyway but with more of a gap between the second and third. With that said, here are some observations after the first month.
- We are outnumbered. It's that simple. 3 of them, 2 of us. And they are winning the war. We might be bigger, more intelligent, stronger and have louder voices, but that means nothing in the world of little people. Children, especially small children, are driven by the need to have things their way, at that moment, no reasoning, no discussion, no trade-offs. This is true no matter how many kids you have, but it makes it harder with 3. At all times that they are awake there is always one that is untended. Most of the time it's fine, especially since Emerson is so small, but when he is being held or changed or fed or bathed or soothed, that leaves two little outlaws with a clear advantage over Patti or I. Stuffed animals have made it into the bathtub and cups have been spilled. I have no idea how Patti does it when I am at work.
- Patti is never not being touched by a child...
- Patti is never not being touched by a child. One of the three offspring are always pulling on her clothes, wanting to be picked up, at her breast, and just plain bugging her. There is very little independent play with the three, especially Ethan, the middle one. Emily is pretty self sufficient and Emerson is too young to cause trouble, so that leaves number 2 being the biggest problem. He gets that from the Johnsons.
- There is constant activity. Noise, yelling, laughing, crying, asking questions, asking for attention, you name it, from the moment they are up until they go to sleep, there is noise and motion. For someone, like me, who likes calm and order, it’s a huge life change. After a while it becomes a way of life and the rare late evening periods of quiet with no radio, TV, child or other noise becomes the loudest sound of the day.
- With two kids we kept the house in reasonable order. We have an unwritten rule that the living room, at the end of the day, will look like we are childless. It’s our sanctuary. The closets and playroom could look like a debris field, but after the kids are in bed and we open up some wine, we can sit in the living room and relax. With the rest of the house, we have always been able to keep up with the clutter and toys and clothes and books. But with three, it’s another battle we are losing. There is no way that we can stay on top of it. It’s just the way things are until the kids get old enough to help out with basic house keeping chores. Walking through our house is often like an obstacle course of plastic and metal with an occasional food item thrown in.
- When Patti or I have to run an errand, we never do it without one child. It’s our way of helping out the other who gets stuck with the two prisoners. I might have to run out and get trash stickers or a hair cut and Ethan is coming. If I am picking up someone at the airport Emily is in the car. There is no way either one of us is getting out of the house during the day without taking one, it’s a new rule. I get to go to work without a kid but that is even up for debate some times.
- We are both pleasantly surprised by how little jealousy there is with Ethan and the new baby. He is actually pretty sweet with him and has not had an issue with Patti holding him so much. The only issue we have with Emily is she can be a little to enthusiastic with Emerson and doesn’t realize that he is so small and fragile. Both older kids have proven to be helpful with Patti and affectionate toward Emerson.
- Sleep is something like my 32 inch waistline, a distant memory. In fact, I cannot remember a time when a full 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep was part of my life. Or waking up when my body clock gets me up and not by a crib banging against the wall, a child crawling in to bed to let me know the sun is up or screams of hunger from a 4 week old. Sleep in general is crazy. I am more often than not sleeping in the extra single bed in our daughter’s room. Patti sleeps with the TV and a light on so the new born can sleep for more than an hour at a time. And Ethan feels that 6AM is a fine time to get up and demand to play. It’s probably the biggest drawback of having children.
- Earlier today I was in our recliner watching a kid’s show with Emerson sleeping in one arm, Emily lying across my lap and Ethan in the other arm. The leg rest was up and those 20 minutes or so were the happiest moments of my life. No money, no sleep, constant arguing, aggravation beyond human threshold and stress off the chart are all wiped off the board when I have moments like this. I now make it a point to spend alone time with all three kids individually and have found swim class with Emily, supermarket runs with Ethan and, well, sitting watching TV with Emerson, all rewarding and fulfilling. Having children might not be for everyone but (most of the time) it is what I think I was put on this earth to do.
I’ll post pictures soon. Emerson looks like almost all other 4 week olds. Not pretty.