David Blaine and the fishbowl
I checked in to my hotel tonight around 8:30 Central time and did what I always do first, scan the room for spies. After that, I turned on the TV and quickly looked for something good to fill the air. I immediately came across a segment on normal TV about these people who hold their breath and dive hundreds of feet. I then found out it was a special about David Blaine, a magician or something, who was going to hold his breath for 9 minutes. Remember this guy? He sat in a cage in London for a month or two while people watched. Now he was going to hold his breath. On national TV. In a giant fishbowl. In NY City. Idiot TV at it's worst, so of course I watched it.
In a twisted kind of way I wanted the water to win. Stuart Scott from ESPN, an idiot in his own right, was the MC for the event. These morons, perfect TV for a lonely night in St. Louis. Then this other guy took over the mic and talked to David while he was going through the breath holding exercise. It was weird because the guy was like some kind of motivational speaker but his voice made him sound as excited as John Daly before an AA meeting.
So anyway, Stuart tells everyone in the NY crowd to be quiet while he continues to fill the air with meaningless dribble. Now, for me, I love the water but holding my breath is not my thing. When Blaine was at 90 seconds he was about a minute past my threshold. He ended up going into convulsions no where near the record but this buffoon got additional press for acting like an idiot.
His next trick is to eat his own poop for a month.
Be good to my people, I shall return.