Dobrindts dot com...again

How is it that I've never seen this show, it's great, it has it all.

Now I will hide my head in shame for liking this show.

Clark

Posted by David at 01:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

As some of you might remember, the TV show Ask This Old House did a segment on my home a couple of years ago. Tom Silva did the work and Richard Trethewey, the plumber, also came by to have lunch. It was fun.

This past Saturday Patti and I were at the Wrentham Outlet stores and while walking through the Ralph Lauren store, I see Roger Cook standing there, holding a couple of bags, looking a little bored. Roger is the show's landscaping expert. My guess is he was waiting for his wife to shop.

So I walk up to him and say "Are you Roger Cook?" He said he was indeed Roger Cook. I told him that the show did a thing on my house and of course he remembered the episode, who can forget me, and Patti and I talked to him for a few minutes. We only had Emerson and he was in a good mood, smiling at Cook and acting like a nice little baby, not screaming or pooping or anything. He was a really nice guy and it was nice meeting him.

On a similar, note, a few weeks ago I was on the Delta Shuttle when Steve Thomas walked on the flight. I was already seated so I didn't talk to him. I saw him later that day at the airport returning from NY but he was on a different flight.

I only have one more person from the show to meet and I am done.

Posted by David at 04:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Rock Star: INXS has been getting terrible ratings. Based on tonight’s show, one thing they are apparently doing to heat up viewership is to put MC and host Brooke Burke in revealing (holy crap, did you see that outfit) and gratuitously skimpy (not joking, I have seen naked people with more clothes on) outfits. I find this approach insulting to women (hope my wife reads that lie) and I might write them a letter of complaint (with recommendations for other outfits that will guarantee I will watch every show). To stoop to putting scantily clad (maybe she forgot to put her skirt on) women on the stage to draw media attention (considering the only attention to the show is about 200 people nation-wide) just highlights what new summer shows will do to increase ratings (more revealing outfits please). Is this the end to the reality TV phenomenon (when is Survivor and the Apprentice coming back, I am bored).

Posted by David at 04:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

The guy who played Mr. Scott on Star Trek, James Doohan, died today at the age of 85. And like I have mentioned before, no one every actually said the phrase “Beam me up Scotty.� In the rare instances they said it, it was “Beam me up Mr. Scott.� Mr. SCOTT, not Scotty. Now that I think about it, could you see the insecure, camera-living and over-acting William Shatner every saying "Scotty"?

Posted by David at 02:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I have been watching this TV show called Hell’s Kitchen. It’s a reality show on Fox. It’s not true “reality�, but most of the popular reality shows are not true reality. I think of reality as fly-on-the-wall like Cops or Real World. Shows like Survivor, The Amazing Race, The Apprentice and this new show are chatter-of-pop-culture, meaning they are what people talk about at the water cooler the next day. They have a more scripted base with contests and somewhat planned outcomes.

Anyway, I have been watching this show mostly because I have been in a hotel the past few Mondays and it is on late enough for me to be back in the room. It’s about this celebrity chef from England, voted the best chef in England 9 years in a row according to the opening credits, who is having a contest to see who can take his crap the longest and will get his own Blimpie franchise sandwich shop. I used to work in a restaurant as both a cook and a waiter, then later bartender and manager, during high school, college and grad school. It’s not the same as high end dining but I can understand the whole cooking- for- the-masses thing, sort of like playing softball allows me to relate slightly to MLB players. Well, that might not be a good example. Sort of like having a 15 minute segment on Ask This Old House allows me to related to Tom Cruise. Hmm, not a good example either. You get the idea.

So the show has this a** hole of a celebrity chef who berates, scolds, shouts at and humiliates a group of people who want to win this contest. Like Survivor, there are two teams who compete against each other and reap lame rewards for victory. The big contest each episode, just like the immunity challenge is the big contest each episode, is to cook dinner for a restaurant full of people. So far in all the episodes I have seen it has been a train wreck with the celebrity chef treating the contestants like bad behaving criminals. One guy actually told the chef off one episode and walked off the show.

Couple of things that bug me.

First, no one would ever be put into the position of those people without some sort of culinary training. Some of the contestants work in kitchens now so they have a base, but others are just hobby chefs. Because I can put a band aid on a cut would you let me operate on someone? Coordination and timing, prep, and other aspects of serving a large group of people eating at separate times is not easy.

Second, I hate this guy because he reminds me of so many people I know. Playing sports my whole life, working in a kitchen with people who were like that, working at a country club with a GM who was a jerk, etc. I know it makes great TV but there is a more effective way to get things out of people than to shout curses at them and throw food around.

Finally, the rewards have to be improved. Because one team made better home-made pasta they get to sit in some oversized canoe in a dirty polluted LA harbor and drink cheap wine out of plastic cups just doesn’t get me going. Send them to Costa Rica for a few days. Give them plasma TVs. Having a losing team clean the apartment is painful and boring. And having the self centered, egotistical, arrogant narcissistic chef eliminate one person each week is flat. Donald Trump can get away with it because Trump has a certain cache in the business world. People know who he is. No one knows this celebrity chef guy, other than the Brits I guess, so it doesn’t really mean much. Would you want to watch a show where I yell at college interns and let one guy each episode? Me either.

Anyway, just thought I’d share my opinion on yet another reality TV show.

Posted by David at 09:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I watched American Idol last night. The biggest flaw, well, maybe not the biggest, is that they don’t show the actual results. I would like to know the margin of victory of Trisha Yearwood over Chris Robinson. And I saw again that this crop, and all crops other than the first season, are marginally good. Let’s review the previous winners and runners up.

Season three. Winner was Fantasia Barrino. Terrible. Sounds like a young child trying to scream as loud as they can to bug the living crap out of their siblings. In fact, a screaming child probably sounds better. Like listening to a baby seal being clubbed to death, without the bloody mess.

Runner up was Diana DeGarmo, which I can’t remember a thing about. Surprise there.

Season two. Winner was the giant fat black guy, Ruben Studdard. While Fantasia winning made a mockery of the show, Ruben winning started the joke. Nothing against his style, but if he is the best this country can produce, then maybe pop singers are not our thing. England actually does it much better as shown by my brother-in-law’s obsession with bubble gum pop music when he lived there. And my brother-in-law makes George Bush look like a left wing socialist mamby pamby.

The runner up was the delicate flower Clay Aiken. Again, nothing against this guy, but Michael Bolton and Kenny G at least had some talent. Please shoot me for saying that. But if you want to be the soft, sensitive, wimpy girls-best-friend kind, at least have a voice like Barry Manilow or sex appeal like Neil Diamond. Please shoot me now for saying THAT.

Season One. Winner was Kelly Clarkson. Kelly, Clarkson. When she won the whole thing, I thought American Idol was a winner. This girl has got a great voice and a little bit of visual appeal. I might get beat up for this, but she really can sing. She continues to do pretty good stuff and if she were a little more attractive would be a huge success. Saying the other winners had the same amount of talent as Kelly Clarkson is like saying all countries in the UN have the same amount of influence as the US. As much as Cameroon might like to believe they have an equal voice, it’s just not true. Kelly Clarkson is the only American Idol winner to have any real chance at being a sustained pop idol.

Runner up was poor Justine Guarini. This guy’s 15 minutes of fame ended with a screeching halt. Wonder why? Could it be that he has no talent and he got as far because of his hair, which, by the way, he has cut off and looks like a parolee. The only redeeming quality in this guy was that he tried to move to Broadway and didn’t subject the world to any more attempts at radio.

The show last night was 1 hour, 55 minutes of total nonsense, 1 minute of announcing the winner, then an awkward few minutes of people on stage and a quiet audience. It was strange. It’s like the kid in high school who wins the ‘Most School Spirited’ award on senior night. It was like she won a cupcake for being the most caring Care Bear or something. And while I sat through the rest of the show to torment the horizonless landscape which I call my life, I realized that the best part of the series was anything but the ending. With Survivor, the end brings some closure. With American Idol, kind of like the Apprentice, the end left me feeling flat and empty.

And one other thing. No one wants to hear these people sing original songs. We want to hear them do renditions of songs that we all know so that we have something to compare it to. Listening to BoBi or Trisha sing something they made up while sitting on the crapper means nothing to me. It forces me to use the 30 second skip-ahead feature on my DVR remote control.

I say, like Brian from Watertown, let the audience vote off the worst person each week. Show the results. And bring in a panel of true experts, not just the three judges, to make a decision before they open up the voting to the general public. Oh, ha, before I forget. Why in the world did they bring that heavy black girl on to sing the national anthem? It was almost cruel. She obviously can’t sing and not only did the show totally embarrass her once during the season, they replayed it again last night and then paraded her out on the stage all dressed up to butcher that song again. What’s next, take a blind kid out on stage and throw baseballs at him? Maybe take a mentally handicapped person out and make them answer difficult trivia questions. It was awful, cruel and mean and the show should be ashamed for doing it.

I usually don’t watch this show until the final 12 or so are involved. I think next season I’ll watch up until the final 12 are chosen. While I think Simon did a much better job this year with being honest and direct with the singers, I find that the end result of the contest is way off the mark for what most people would find fulfilling.

Posted by David at 05:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

The finale for American Idol is on tonight. I don’t think I have been this excited since I learned that CSPAN3 was re-running a special on UN Reform hosted by the assistant deputy Chief of Staff to the 3rd congressional district rep of Wisconsin.

Posted by David at 05:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Patti said there is a conspiracy theory going around about American Idol where people who hate the show, or at least don’t like the people who get to stay, are calling in and voting for the person who is actually doing the worst. Since callers vote for who they think is the best, this little coup is keeping the worst contestants around while the best get voted off. If this is the case, I am voting. Anthony Federov, you have my vote buddy. Keep up the good work, you make even me sound good.

Posted by David at 04:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

There comes a time, when you heed a certain call, and the world must come together as one.

That song has not stopped playing in my head for like 3 days.

Anyway, there comes a time when I part company with certain TV shows. I think of it as breaking up with them. They are still running but for some reason I no longer am interested in watching them. Two that have hit that mark.

1. Everybody Loves Raymond.

I used to love this show. I would watch it on Monday nights and then 3 days later when it was syndicated on TNT or whatever cable channel. I think I liked it because the fictional character went to St. John’s, like I did, lived on Long Island, like I did, and wrote for Newsday, which I consider the best all around newspaper in the country. I loved that show. The family was dysfunctional, the character an everyday kind of guy, and it was about sports. Sports. Sports writer for Newsday who went to St. John’s. But at the beginning of last year I tried watching it once and found myself thinking of other shows. My mind kept wandering and I keep wondering what else was on even as Robert and Debra picked on Raymond. I found myself fantasizing about NYPD Blue, even though I wouldn’t see it until the next night. I kept finding things wrong with it, and found myself getting annoyed at the slightest things. And this year I find the show whenever I am channel surfing while running on my treadmill in the basement, and stopping to watch is never considered. Everybody Loves Raymond and I have officially split up. We have gone our separate ways. I find nothing redeeming about it now and wonder what I actually saw in it during the good years. Even the kids are ugly now that they have grown up. It’s a train wreck. I guess it had an edge to it, and a slice-of-life type comedy that is really hard to sustain. But now I find it boring and tedious, the plots just rehashed and Debra is a mean and vicious woman.

Oh well, it was fun while it lasted and there are a couple of episodes that I will remember fondly. Good luck and I will probably watch the series finale in a few weeks.

2. ER

This one came out of the blue. I was blind sided. When I got my TiVo type box, a DVR from Comcast, my friend Brian from Watertown told me it would change my TV watching behavior forever. And it has. One thing is that after we set up a season pass to record all of our shows, we are no longer on a time clock. Being in front of the TV each Thursday at 10 to watch ER is as important as wearing a surgical gown and stethoscope. With the DVR, we sit down and play old shows whenever we want to. It’s glorious.

So with that said, over the last 2 months, when I have sat down to catch up on the recordings, I have always found a reason to skip ER. I go through other shows first, I search for new movies on On Demand, I surf. ER is sitting there in my DVR recordings and I let it sit there, without giving it any attention or time. So this past Saturday Patti and I had about 1 hour to kill at night and we had nothing else to watch, so we played the most recent ER. About 20 minutes into it, I turned to Patti and said “I think I am going to break up with ER�.

This one is hard on me. I loved ER, and still find it interesting. But for some reason, I can’t bring myself to watch it. I think maybe after 11 years on the air, the show has runs its course. Hospital shows, like cop shows, offer an infinite amount of stories, but do have an expiration date. I think that has come for ER. I think another reason I don’t like it is because there are no dark plots, like a drug or drinking problem, or the bad side of a nice person. It’s just…blah. That feeling was creeping up with NYPD Blue when they decided to call it quits and I didn’t have to go through the heartache of splitting up.

I still like ER, sort of, but think I will no longer attempt to watch it. If I am home at 10 on a Thursday night, I will probably watch it because there is no need to keep up with each episode, but I have a feeling I won’t be seeing any of my old friends anymore. Goodbye Carter, goodbye Abby, goodbye Pratt and Luka, I’ll miss you. It was fun while it lasted but we grew apart, our goals changed, and with my increasingly limited time to watch TV, you are getting bumped. Thanks for the memories, it was fun. I’ll see you at your finale episode.

Posted by David at 06:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Conversation with someone at work today.

Colleague: Do you watch 'The Amazing Race'?
Me: No, that show is trash. Besides, I was too busy watching 'American Idol'.
Colleague: 'Lost' is Star Trek meets Gilligan's Island. But in a bad way.
Me: Very good. Very witty. I didn't ask you.

Posted by David at 11:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Saturday night we were watching the next Little House episode, 2 in a series of 5, when about halfway through the one hour show the sound started acting up. We weren?t watching it live, we recorded it on our DVR and were watching it about an hour after it aired. It sounded like someone was standing there hitting the mute button in perfectly timed 2 second intervals. It was so crazily annoying, like nothing I have ever experienced. Try watching something with the sound cutting out every few seconds, perfectly timed, for 30 minutes. Kind of like xxx xxx xxxx about something that xxx xxx xxx, with a lot of xxx xxx xxx needed to complete xxx xxx, but not xxx xxx xxx to read exactly xxx xxx xxx.

Patti and I sat there and kept yelling out ?This is SO [expletive deleted] annoying. GOD, this HAS to STOP.?

Despite the torture, the episode was good. It could use some more uplifting scenes, but still pretty good.

Just thought I?d share.

Posted by David at 03:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Saturday night ABC aired a special called ?Laura Ingalls Wilder's Little House on the Prairie?, a 5-part series that will be shown every Saturday night for 5 weeks. <a href="http://abc.go.com/movies/littlehouse.html" target=_blank> Click here to read about it. </a> As some of you know, I am a big fan of the 1970s television series ?Little House on the Prairie?, a classic that stared the amazing Michael Landon as Charles Ingalls and Melissa Gilbert as Laura. The TV series was about as good as television gets with a mix of humor, drama, tragedy, sweeping outdoor scenes, great costume and set design and a heartwarming message to almost every episode. The TV series was followed by some fair TV movie episodes like ?Little House: The Last Farewell?.

The current TV mini-series, actually produced by Disney and which I would not have known about if not for a serendipitous call from a neighbor looking to borrow a video cassette to tape it, was actually really good. At least the first part. In 2000, an attempt at a Little House movie, called ?Beyond the Prairie: The True Story of Laura Ingalls Wilder? was a train wreck. First, it only focused on 4 books so it left the viewer feeling empty and unfinished. The casting was all wrong with Richard Thomas (The Waltons) playing Charles Ingalls, Walt Goggins (The Apostle) playing Almonzo and Meredith Monroe playing Laura. The show really focused on Laura as a married adult and Meredith Monroe, a stunning and beautiful actress, was as good of a fit playing Laura as I would be playing Eleanor Roosevelt. The movie was just off.

But this one is shaping up to be good. Charles is played by what I swear is Clint Eastwood turned back 40 years. Cameron Bancroft, who was in Beverly Hills 90210 for a while, is great as the father and husband. The young Ingalls girls are played well by whoever is playing them and the first episode, which focused on Charles? desire to move his family out of Wisconsin and the challenging trip to Kansas, was not all rainbows and butterflies. It showed the perils and risks of doing that trip. The wife is a little too put-together and organized, clean and happy, but I can look past that for now. They also introduced Mr. Edwards, always a good time.

I?ll let you know how the other 4 episodes are, I am ?TiVo-ing? them.

Just thought I?d share.

Posted by David at 03:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Quick bone to pick with the Apprentice ?challenges?. First of all they resemble nothing that goes on in corporate America. At least not the version I live or hear about. Second, they are boring and rehashed, sad considering the show is only on its third pathetic series. The final thing is I wish they would have a challenge where they didn?t have to sell something. How about the other major business objective of ?reducing cost?? The show only tries to reward an increase in sales. You know how it goes, operational efficiency, reduced expenses, cut costs, blah blah blah. I would love it if the show dropped both teams into a situation and asked them to find a way to make a process more streamlined or to make something less expensive or to reduce some kind of cost.

Thought I'd share.

Posted by David at 10:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

For the past 9 Survivor series the challenges have, for the most part, been a recast of old challenges. This is particularly true this year, series 10, when most of the challenges have been as inventive as me cooking dinner. But last week they actually had two challenges that were unique and really good. The first challenge gave each team some building material and tools and they were told to build a bathroom with a shower and toilet. The winner had the ?Survivor? construction crew build them a kick-ass shelter. It was like watching Gilligan?s Island because both bathrooms were actually pretty good. And the reward was never done before. The second challenge was a Star Trek-esk battle on a platform that pitted one person from one team against one person from the other team. They each had a hard pillow with two handles and had to knock the other person off the platform without taking their hands off the pillow handles. It was kind of cool because it got pretty physical. The only thing that would have made it better would have been if the platform was perched 50 feet above an outcropping of rocks instead of 2 feet above chest-high water. But a boy can dream.

Posted by David at 10:34 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I watch the show regularly now. Hate to admit it but I do. With my TiVo, it?s so easy to watch TV, especially idiot shows like American Idol. Two things that bug me.

- Paula Abdul makes no sense at all when she talks, and when she offers up something that is remotely intelligible, she says the same thing over and over. A good bet on one of her comments is ?You are beautiful and were yourself tonight. Great job? spoken like she is sitting in church. Randy makes some stupid comment that starts with Dude and ends with Dog, and the only one that comes close to being honest and insightful is Simon. As soon as Randy starts talking I look forward to Simon. It feels like someone giving you an empty plate at a barbeque to hold you over until the ribs are done.

- The singers are awful. I have said this before but it baffles me how anyone can think they are good. There are two girls on the current show who have nice voices but nothing that I would call an ?Idol?. As other than Kelly Clarkson, not a single winner has been better than mediocre. This year it looks to be shaping up the same. I think instead of letting the viewing audience vote for who wins, there should be a large panel of experts including voice coaches and music teachers from prestigious music schools, recording executives, former pop stars and trust me, Paula Abdul is NOT a former pop star, maybe former cheerleader, and a mix of fans. But I can appreciate their attempt to let the group of people who buy pop music decide who will win the competition, it just doesn?t seem to be working.

That?s another thing. The stupid music themes. It started last night with a 1960s theme that fell as flat as a racists joke in an NBA locker room.

Posted by David at 08:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I watched Scrubs last night that Patti TiVo-ed the night before. I actually don?t have a TiVo, it?s a DVR which is the same thing but offered by my cable company, has the same features as TiVo and is cheaper, but I like saying ?TiVo-ed?, it sounds so ?2000?. I also like using ?quotes? as you can ?tell?, I do ?it? a lot. Anyway, I watched Scrubs and every time I watch it I love it and think about how great of a show it is. It has a good blend of quirkiness, dry humor and sincere moments. Plus GREAT soundtrack and I like Zach Braff, he reminds me of myself, sort of. It could be a little less rapid-fire in the dialogue, something that comes across as unnatural and rehearsed (which it is), like Gilmore Girls, but it?s still better than a lot of other shows on TV. The strange thing is even though I enjoy the show, I usually don?t make a point to watch it. It just happened to be recorded and I just happened to have finished the 8th episode of Ask This Old House that was recorded over the weekend. Man, between AE and PBS that show is on like every other hour. Anyway, good show if you have time to watch it.

Posted by David at 08:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I will watch American Idol usually while I am doing something else, like reading or folding clothes. I like the music part of the show but hate the nonsense that surrounds the people singing. A couple of things.

- People like the British guy Simon because Randy, the black dude, and Paula Abdul just say the same thing with each person. They say it was alright, they liked it, and never really tell the truth. And ever time Simon opens his mouth he is honest and direct. People like that. I know I like it.

- I hate when singers spread their legs and squat while singing the song. I have no idea why they do it and it makes them look awkward.

- One of the girls on the show sang ?Against All Odds?, a great song by Phil Collins. When Randy said his peace (or is it piece), he looked at Paula and said something about he had the pleasure of working with Mariah Carey. I was like ?huh??, it?s a classic Phil Collins song. I thought for a moment Randy was thinking of something else. But I did a quick search on this thing called the web and found out that Mariah Carey did a remake of it. So I went on to iTunes, where you can listen to a quick sound bite of any song they have for sale, and listened to it. Not bad. Say what you will about her, but Mariah Carey has a great voice. I still like the Phil Collins version better, but what do I know.

Posted by David at 04:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Another running commentary of tonight?s Apprentice, a show that mocks the real world by showing off a bunch of backstabbing idiots who treasure a guy who turned his father?s millions into more millions.

- Recap of last week's show. Trump let the rocker go.

- I have to admit the show?s theme song, ?Money? is catchy. I just wished they got rid of the images of the contestants, Trump, his staff, his helicopters and anything that makes me realize I am about to waste a precious hour of my life watching this crap.

- Magna are idiots?? YOU?RE ALL IDIOTS, YOU IDIOT!!

- Who?s a lazy piece of crap? Are we watching Survivor?

- When did Friday from Adamm?s Family get on the show? I didn?t read the press release.

- Yes, a good steamrolling is a great idea, but with actual equipment that results in your REAL death, Michael.

- Ouch. No make up. Stop those morning shots of the women, I just threw up in my mouth.

- This is not a job interview. Stop saying that. This is a stupid TV show.

- Dove Cool Moist? This should be fun and original. Or maybe it will resemble a bunch of mice running around in different directions without a clue. Not sure which one.

- One of those contestants works for IBM. I don?t want to say which one because it?s an insult to IBM. Actually, if I called her a moron it would be an insult to morons.

- Extravaganza? Oh, stop using big words Friday, you?ll have to take a nap on a cushy blue mat.

- I love George. I wish he provided a running commentary but with hard curse words, maybe on cable so they wouldn?t have to bleep out the fun parts.

- Oh, there is that girl but with makeup. My mistake, she is hideous either way.

- Kristin?s boyfriend is a director so that makes her an expert. With that logic, I am an expert on giving birth.

- How about this idea for a commercial: You show a bunch of media whores who desperately want the camera to pan on them and for the producers to give them air time so they act domineering, arrogant and surly. Oh wait, that is this show.

- Hey, how did that shot of a Fed Ex truck get in there? Trump is right now sending Fed Ex an invoice for 100 grand for that little promo. Sales at Fed Ex are going up 50% as I write this. This is TRUMP?s show damn it and everything that touches it turns to gold.

- Actress? She is an actress? She is doing a terrible job of acting pissed. I would fire <i>her</i>.

- Why does the show make them hold their cell phones like that? It?s annoying and no one I know holds them like that. They look like my daughter holding a new food deciding if she is going to take a bite or throw it at me and run away.

- I hate the scenes of trump acting like a big shot followed by some useless and obvious pieces of crap?I mean advice.

- You?re an unknown actress, read: waitress. Get used to being treated poorly.

- Wait! Did that skeezy redneck lawyer just sweet talk that ?pissed? actress. What the f? Did I just enter some upside down world of right and wrong?

- Why are they making up new music? I can download something from iTunes for 99 cents. I bet those guys cost like 10 or 12 dollars an hour. Maybe more.

- You called someone a bitch? Sorry, who were you talking about? The entire cast?

- Hey, that guy uses the same trainer as me. We definitely have the same abs.

- Ha ha ha. This is great. Soft core porn. Three seasons of watching this disaster has finally paid off. No! Don?t stop there. Why not play Bolero and have the guy call himself Lightning Rod or Cinnamon Stick. Ha. I think I just peed my drawers laughing so hard.

- I would love to see the white wine spritzer fly out of the mouth of the Dove exec that just saw that commercial. I would pay a year?s salary for that. Right now Dove lawyers are calling NBC lawyers demanding to know what the hell happened, and see you at the club on Saturday, bring your new putter, I want to test that baby out.

- Oh boy, they are going to show the porn. I cannot WAIT to see this. And thank GOD he ripped into them about the uniforms. Oh Jesus, that was worse then I could have ever imagined. I was not prepared for that. My heart is pounding with excitement.

- That other commercial was equally as awful. It?s kind of like picking between Idi Amin or Momar Kadofi as Humanitarian of the Century. How do you want to die? Slow and painful, or painful and slow?

- Puh-lease, taking a call from a helicopter. Doubt it.

- Ha. ?You both sucked?. HE DID NOT PICK A WINNER. HE DID NOT PICK A WINNER. I feel like in Rocky 4 when they start yelling ?The Russian is cut.? Now if all challenges had the same ending, I would start writing nice things about this show.

- You have to be a moral gentleman? Why start now you fat loser.

- Cut to scene of Elvis playing a game boy. And lawyer playing pocket pool.

- Did he just say ?Vegetable Porn?? No he didn?t. Not on my watch he didn?t.

- Technology Firm Owner = Tech Call Center Support Rep.

- Love the fact that they have solitaire up on the computer screen. Now it?s much more like a typical office.

- I never noticed how the board room waiting room was so red. The carpet, walls, desks, faces.

- The first time this ever happened? Take it easy Trump, the show?s only been on for a year and this is only the third season. Relax big boy and stop being so dramatic.

- Something tells me Friday likes to watch ?big people? videos with whoever crawls home with her on a typical Friday night.

- ?Stupid cucumber idea.? ?You must have been crazy.? I love when Trump uses those words.

- Chris is a loose canon. He can?t talk without acting like he is drunk and ready to punch a woman. He talks like a steroid-using-vodka-for-breakfast-drinking-high school football nut.

- I don?t know what?s harder to believe, that they made those commercials or that Kristin has a boyfriend.

- ?? and I?m so pretty and my hair smells nice and look at my fancy nails.?

- Stop begging Kristin. Save a crumb of your dignity and take the firing like a man, or whatever you call yourself.

- Dove is better off making their own ad? Dove is better of showing clips of babies screaming and baby seals being clubbed to death than using those two groups to make commercials.

- Ooh, the world premier of the new commercial from Dove. How exciting. This is so exciting. A Dove commercial. Being seen for the first time. By me, and others who watch this thing called ?TV?. This is amazing. Thrilling. I am going to run a steak knife deep into my head to make it more fun.

- Actually, this is a train wreck. Carolyn is no good with the scripted part and that whole thing left me feeling like I just walked away from narrowly being in a bad car accident. I am physically shaking right now with sweat falling down my hind-side split.

- Patti is sitting 3 feet away from me with another laptop pinging messages like ?u r soooooooooooooo hot? and ?grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr?. See what this show does to people.

Posted by David at 10:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

The third version of the Apprentice starts tonight. It seems like the second one only ended a few days ago. To be honest, I was not really into it and if something else interesting were on, I probably would have skipped it. I?ll watch Survivor until they just shoot contestants to the surface of the sun and see who burns up first. But the second season of You?re Fired was boring and an exact replica of the first season. This one is being promoted as the book smart people against the street smart which is a joke and mute point because college or no college, the people on the show are exactly the same. They are type A backstabbing moron media whores who display very little of what it really takes to succeed in the real world. But I am going to watch it anyway. It?ll give me something to write about.

Comments during the show

- Wait, aren?t these the same people as the last two years. No? My mistake.

- Predictable comments from the arrogant stereotypical testosterone meat heads. Same with the uncomfortably aggressive and overly stuck-up chicks.

- Just saw Carolyn. I like her. George is good too. Too bad Donald Trump ruined the scene.

- Oh boy, he fooled EVERYONE by bringing up splitting the group into men and women. Boy oh boy I was fooled. What a ruse. Good for you DonALD.

- My friend Pete has no college degree and he has more money than I?ll make in 5 lifetimes. College. Means. Nothing. This coming from someone with an MBA.

- Yeah yeah yeah. We know the freakin rules Trumpy.

- I wish the cute girls would stop doing the nose crinkle eye squint smile to look attractive to an aging ugly albino like Trump. It makes me want to throw up in my mouth.

- Dream kitchen?? My dream kitchen has Emeril Lagasse making gumbo and my wife in a tight tube top pouring a beer.

- I think the girl who usually answers the phone in the boardroom waiting room is on the show. It?s either her or her long lost twin. I gave up drinking to lose weight for a wedding in March, but might break that in about 1 minute.

- No, this room is not about ?attitude and experience?. And stop quoting Donald Trump from his overpriced books. You?re not impressing anyone.

- Stop making threats Al Capone. And what chin straps are you talking about? Am I wearing a helmet??

- Chief Morale Officer? How about Chief Imma D**khead.

- Why does the college team seem to have ugly people? Did the casting folks working for Mark Burnett put their beer goggles on during the selection process?

- I have a name for your team? State-School-Was-A-Bad-Choice. Or how about I-Drank-My-Dads-Money-In-School-And-Now-Regret-It.

- How many times can you say ?Brass Balls? in 10 seconds? Oh wait, there is one more. And one more. Oops, one more. And that is one. And another. One more.

- I LOVE that silver retro phone. LOVE IT. I WANT IT SO BAD.

- All the songs in the world will not make you more attractive to the hotties that made fun of you in high school. Sorry. Someone had to tell you.

- The black girls is kind of pretty. One out of 16 is not bad.

- Oh no!! No!! Not fast food. Please. Not that. I hate fast food. Please anything but make these people do something stupid with fast food. And for the love of God, not Burger King. Why not Bennigans or Friday?s. Why.

- I am sick of the high school versus college and the show is only 22 minutes along. I don?t think I can take this.

- Doesn?t John know that by saying you are an expert in the industry that the challenge is in is a SURE sign you will fail. And fail miserably.

- Did he just say ?Chef? and ?Burger King? in the same sentence? No he didn?t?? No? Laughing too hard! Must stop! Stomach hurts, eyes watering, gunna pee my Underoos.

- Getting people in the door?? To a Burger King? Look around you. Read Fast Food Nation?? Your challenge will be to get those slobs OUT of the feeding trough.

- Not sure if I can make it much longer without clawing my eyes out. I must try.

- Ooh, the western burger does look good. Damn IT. I hate fast food. It?s so delicious.

- The college kids are definitely geekier.

- ?Smile is good. Friendliness is good. Can you change your face?? No, I mean get rid of your face ? eyes, nose, ears, chin. The whole thing. Your ugly.?

- Good for you little boy. You got a Vikings hat. You are a special little boy who is special in your special Viking hat.

- How is the circus dull?? I love the circus, and so does almost every kid.

- Why the dial tone when Danny hung up the cell phone?? I have never heard a dial tone on a cell phone?? Hmm? Your audience, Trumpy, is not as dumb as we look.

- $201 for a ticket to Vegas? They are getting rooked. Watch TV, they advertise tickets for 49 each way.

- Hey, grease boy. Wash your hair. And stop using the term ?out of the box?, it?s dated.

- Todd, the project manager, I hate. He is so disingenuous. And did they just do the perfect cheer without Danny. It was his idea as Chief Moron Officer. That is not fair to Danny. Do it again when he gets out of the karaoke bar.

- Commercials for a boxing reality show with Sylvester Stallone called The Contender. There?s another stupid reality show I can?t wait to not watch.

- Ha, look at the minimum wage employees at Burger King look at whitey like he is drunk.

- Hahahahaha. Throw a ping pong ball into a box with a hole cut out. This is great. You can?t write better TV. I hope someone pushes the guy with the guitar. Then kicks him in the special spot.

- I think my daughter is taller than that short guy in the cowboy outfit. Not joking. At the very least the same height. And he has the same expression Emily makes when we won?t let her eat chocolate cake at 7 in the morning.

- How in the world did NBC let a McDonald?s commercial slip in there while the show is about Burger King? Some dime store assistant producer is going to lose his job for that gaff.

- Time for the boardroom already?? My, how time flies when you are having fun. It only seems like 400 hours ago this show started.

- Books smarts, street smarts? Ugh.

- As project manager if your team loses next week you will be exempt?? I didn?t know. I don?t think I heard it two minutes ago when you said it.

- While you are in the vaults of the 21 Club, please have someone beat you and leave you to die with the rats and moldy brick walls. Please.

- Ooh, Melania. Bring her around more often. Rrrraaarrr.

- Sweet MOTHER OF GOD, do not put the camera so close to Trump?s face. I am not going to be able to sleep tonight. Or tomorrow night either.

- That story is so NOT TRUE. The deed to the house? No way. I don?t believe it. It was probably a single-wide that cost Trump less than he pays for his hair stylist?s lunch tab in a month.

- Please get rid of Danny. Please. Do what you have to, but throw him so far under the bus he bleeds engine oil and brake fluid. Do NOT let him leave that board room unless he is carrying his Bee Gees knapsack and heading to the cab stand. I am not even joking.

- They only lost by like 4 bucks. And the other team shelled out money for plane tickets. Doesn?t that mean anything? It?s not like it was a good old fashion ass-whoopin.

- If that girl is crying already, she is going to cave by week three. I have 20 bucks on it. Any takers?? Too rich for your blood? Maybe you should not be watching a show with Mr. I-Own-NY.

- Danny looks terrible. Nice suit and scarf. This is not American Idol.

- Go get them George. Tell them the bid-ness. And Danny, do not piss off George. He looks like he can handle himself.

- Horrific?? Hmm. Good adjective. Mild for this crew, but good.

- I agree you have to wear the right clothes for work. For example, the other day I wore a Speedo banana hammock, eye shadow, a tuxedo shirt, body paint and scuba fins to work for a meeting with a Japanese company. It worked well. I got arrested.

- Who?s that blond girl talking? Was she in this episode? She didn?t give the right producer some rumpa-rumpa for face time. Fire her.

- THERE is the Burger King cross promotional commercial I have been waiting all night for. Why did it take them so long to blatantly treat me like a drooling idiot?

- Why do they all have to sit on the teeny little couch? It looks awkward. But strangely exciting.

- That guy is a lawyer? He needs to argue better. And Todd looks like Kurt Russell. Snake Plissken.

- Ha. Danny is a disaster. I like that phrase.

- Oh good Lord. He fired Snake. I have to deal with Danny for another week. Well, Kurt should have been fired for doing Breakdown anyway. And he packed 16 weeks of stuff into an overhead compartment suitcase? And stop pitching yourself for a job. Try Burger King, you know how to sell the triple cheese double delight combo griller. You tool.

- Well, I am a dumber person for watching tonight?s episode. See you next week for episode 2.

Posted by David at 10:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Quick comment about the new year?s eve shows on TV. They suck. Bad. Carson Daly looked like someone who forgot his speech 2 minutes before going in front of a huge crowd and already threw out his notes. And listening to Regis Philbin during the 60 seconds it took the ball to drop was like listening to my 2 year old ask for a lollipop at 6 in the morning in rapid fire succession until I respond to her. Actually, it?s easier to listen to the kid because they don?t know any better. Shame on you Regis. Being Donald Trump?s cabin boy was bad enough, what?s next, doing play-by-play of the Thanksgiving Day Parade. Oh wait you did that. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Posted by David at 08:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Patti got me the first season of Twin Peaks on DVD for Christmas. Twin Peaks is easily one of the greatest television shows to ever air. It broke the mold of TV sitcoms and spawned a generation of quirky shows that appealed to those of us who have a slightly left-of-center sense of entertainment. That got me thinking about my favorite TV shows of all time. Here is my top three, plus runner ups, as well as what constitutes a TV show and what does not.

<b>What is a television show?</b>

I am not in show business and I am sure there is a technical definition of a sitcom, but in my world it has the following attributes.

1 ? Has to air for at least one season. Not a made for TV movie or one time event like a concert or something. Not a mini series either.

2 ? Has to have paid actors. I love reality TV, both true ?reality? like fly-on-the-wall shows such as Cops as well as chatter-of-pop-culture like Survivor. That?s an interesting distinction. Survivor, the Bachelor, Fear Factor, and all of those that have popped up in the last 4 years are not true ?Reality? TV. They are scripted, have activities, have writers and directors and hope to have a certain outcome. They are great and I love Survivor, but real reality is a camera that tags along and let?s something run a normal course. Cops is a perfect example. I hate to say this, but so is that show with Jennifer Simpson and her husband. And you know what one of the earliest reality TV shows was? ?This Old House?!! A camera, a host, and film of people building things. Great stuff. Anyway, one of the reasons reality TV is such a great idea for investors is that you do not have to pay the actors. There is little risk in producing a reality show. Look at all the stupid crap that failed. While ?Friends? actors were getting paid a million dollars a show, Survivor gave out a million dollars to ONE person after 12 or 14 weeks of shows. Great idea. Earlier this year I got to meet with Larry Namer, the founder of the E! Channel and one of the folks starting a reality channel, and he said that a typical show like Cheers films 8 hours of tape for every one hour that gets aired. Reality TV films 60 hours for every one hour. So there is cost in the editing but that is nothing compared to not having to pay a bunch of actors. SO, to be considered a TV show it has to have paid actors reading scripts.

3 ? No sporting events. I like Monday Night Football, but I don?t think anyone would consider it a TV show.

4 ? No News Magazine shows. I like Dateline and 60 Minutes but that doesn?t count. You need a story line that runs through a few shows.

5 ? I am sure there is a difference between half hour comedies and one hour dramas, but not to me. They both fall under the TV sitcom discussion.

So, with the rules established, here are my top three as well as some runner-ups.

<b>My Top Three</b>

1 ? The top three could all go 1-2-3, but if a gun were put to my head, I would have to say Twin Peaks was my favorite show of all time. It is a toss up with the second one listed, but Twin Peaks was so unbelievably original and quirky it captured my attention every Saturday night. I would either watch it Saturday night or tape it and watch in early the next day. I loved the show. It was only until recently that I found out it was actually a pretty bad failure in the ratings. It was only on for two seasons but has one of the most loyal and passionate fan bases for anything out there. The writing was crisp and interesting, the camera shots and filming was beautiful (it took place in Northwest US), the characters were pleasant to look at and it had just enough bizarre twists to keep me interested. If someone did not watch the show from the pilot episode through the first one or two, it would be like reading the first half of a thriller in Russian, confusing and annoying, unless you speak Russian I guess. My point is the show would have been way too confusing if you did not see if from the beginning. Funny thing about the first episode on DVD. It does not have the pilot episode. That is actually pretty hard to find. Something about one company owning the pilot episode and only releasing it outside the US on DVD and another company owning the TV show. So my first choice would have to be Twin Peaks. Watching the first episode on DVD has brought back every single reason I loved the show. So many GREAT story lines, writing, characters (FBI agent Albert makes me cry I am so happy).

2 ? Little House on the Prairie. Make fun all you want but this was a great show. I had a hard time deciding if Little House or Twin Peaks was my favorite of all time. Maybe I like Little House because it first aired in 1975 when I was 4 and living in Liberia (my father worked for Pan Am) and it was one of the shows we got over there. Maybe I like it because part of me wishes I lived back then when life was hard but the rules were simple and goals in life were pure. Maybe I like it because the show strived to teach lessons, had humor, heart ache (remember when the Ingall?s son died), tragedy, drama, suspense and excitement. It ran for 9 seasons with a few specials. Some of the latter years kind of stunk like when Laura started dating and married Almonzo Wilder or when Mary goes blind, but it always had a strong story line and good sets (story took place in Minnesota but filmed in California). When Emily gets old enough, I am going to get the DVD if they have all seasons and make it a special thing for her and me to watch them together.

3 ? Northern Exposure. I loved this show for a lot of the same reasons I loved Twin Peaks. Great and original writing, great characters and pretty set location. Northern Exposure had the benefit of sticking to happy and encouraging stories lines while Twin Peaks had a dark side to it. Northern Exposure ran for 6 seasons and started around the same time as Twin Peaks, 1990 or so. Throughout the 6 seasons, it never lost the quirky edge or introduction of new characters that dooms other shows. One of the reasons I think I liked this show so much was that the community of Cicely was a lot like most families. At times dysfunctional, argumentative and contentious, but mostly about taking care of each other and providing support. Joel Fleischman embodied what most of us are not ? brash, to the point, overbearingly honest and direct. The show died because they brought in Ducky to be the doctor when the actor playing Fleischman left. That and it was time. Shows like Northern Exposure need to die out before they fade.

So with my top three, there are some runner-ups.

<b>Runner Up</b>

<u>Fantasy Island</u> ? I am talking about the original series with Ricardo Montalban and Tattoo and not the awful remake with Malcolm McDowell. Great show. Smiles everyone, Smiles!! Ha. Great 7 or so seasons of people walking off the plane into a Twilight Zone type hour of fun.

<u>Hill Street Blues</u> ? I love NYPD Blue but Hill Street Blues was the beginning. The same guy created both shows so you would image they would have the same edge. With a crime show, just like a hospital show, it is easy to get interesting story lines. But Hill Street seemed to keep a dark undercurrent to it that appealed to me as an 11 year old boy. Hill Street changed the way cops shows were produced.

<u>St. Elsewhere</u> ? I can hum the opening tune anytime, anywhere. The only thing that I didn?t like was the way it ended. The snow globe thing bugged me. The show was a hospital version of Hill Street Blues so maybe that is why I liked it. Watching the reruns is like hitting the jackpot in ?Hey, look how young that guy was back then? game.

<u>Thirtysomething </u>? Now that I am actually ?thirty something?, I look back on this show and think to myself ?my life is not like that?. In some ways it is, but not as yuppie-ish as their lives. Despite that, it was a great drama. Maybe I liked it because it tackled small issues, large issues and made me feel comfortable about getting older.

<u>Melrose Place/Knots Landing</u> ? I had to group these two together even though they were completely different. Both were nonsense prime time soap operas that had stupid story lines and great looking actors. Even thought these type of shows dumb down America, they are entertaining and require little intellect. Sometimes that is needed.

<u>Mash </u>? This was hard to leave off my top-three list. I loved this show. Great writing, lessons in some of the episodes and pure entertainment in others, great characters, tough theme that usually involves death and horrible outcomes, and a great ending to the series. Funny though, I didn?t really like the movie that spawned the TV show. Plus, the earlier episodes were better with Frank Burns, Trapper and Henry Blake. Nothing against Charles, BJ or Sherman Potter, but I liked the earlier guys better. And having Blake killed was an act of genius.

<u>Roseanne </u>? As a general rule, TV shows that show a slice of life do better because people watch them in the comfort of their own homes, and movies that are action or fantasy tend to do better because people get out of the comfort of their own homes to watch them. Roseanne, or better yet All In The Family, displayed a dysfunctional family that made all of us feel better about our own lives. Let?s face it, every family has its problems, and watching Roseanne made people feel good. The reason I like Roseanne better than All In The Family was because of the timing of it. All In The Family might have appealed to me more if I were a young adult in the 70s, but the themes didn?t make sense as much as the ones on Roseanne.

<u>I Love Lucy</u> ? This is a classic and if I can watch reruns of a black and white comedy show and still like it, they did something right. The show aired in the early 50s and I think has never stopped running (reruns, of course). I love the over-the-top acting by Lucile Ball and the wacky story lines. A show before its time.

<b>The Rest</b>

Based on preference, there were a ton of great shows out there. I can?t talk about Gun Smoke, Bonanza or the Andy Griffith Show because they were before my time and I was never around a TV station that showed the reruns.

And there are a ton of great shows that I loved and where ground breaking in their own way, like The Brady Bunch, Gilligan?s Island, The Honeymooners, Cheers, China Beach, Happy Days, The Simpsons, Barney Miller, Chips, Knight Rider and Mork and Mindy, but I had I had to draw the line somewhere.

The question you might be asking is what about the great comedies like Friends and Seinfeld. The biggest problem I have with them, and when I compare them to Cheers, is the design of the show. Take a look at a classic like All In The Family or Cheers, and it was basically one set and each episode had long scenes and long dialogue and looked and felt like a small play. Then take a look at Seinfeld or Friends. Each scene is short, quick and then jumps to another scene or shot. Both shows have great writing and were funny, but I wouldn?t put them in the same league as some of the older shows. I love Seinfeld as much as the next person, but watch a few episodes of that and a few of All In The Family, Mash or Cheers, and you get a different feeling. Kind of like walking through a house that was built in the 18th century and one that was built a year ago.

Finally, I did not mention some great British shows. I spent the first few years of my life living overseas and traveled a great deal when growing up. My father is especially fond of Great Britain and I remember watching Fawlty Towers, Monty Python and Are You Being Served while growing up. Fawlty Towers had one scene that I remember laughing so hard that my stomach hurt for days. But I kept these shows off my list because they were not main stream TV programs in the US.

I love TV. I watch sports, I watch News Magazine programs, I watch PBS and the History Channel. I also watch Survivor and NYPD Blue and channel surf until my wife is about to kill me. We are almost done with the first season of Twin Peaks and I can?t wait to get the rest of the episodes. Some elitists think that TV is the downfall of our society, but I think it?s the campfire or fireplace of our time. I still talk to my wife, I still play with my kids, I still learn things, I just do it while watching TV sometimes.

Posted by David at 06:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

NYPD Blue is a great show for trying to identify actors who make guest appearances. Almost every week there is someone, a victim or a criminal, who has been in something else. For example, last night there were two people who I recognized but could not identify until 4AM as I lay awake in my bed thinking about it. One was the guy who played the neighbor in ?Married With Children? and the other played one of Martin?s friends in ?Martin?.

Thought I'd share.

Posted by David at 10:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Every Wednesday night at 8 you can find me in front of the TV watching the show ?Lost?. When ABC started promoting Lost, I was into it. It had two things that I really love - airplane travel and desert islands. The show is about an airplane crash with survivors being stranded on a desert island, but I was stilled pumped. After all, who would not love this? The older sibling from Party of Five hangs out with a bunch of other people and they try to survive on an island after crashing from the sky where other people from a previous crash may still live and oh yeah there is a monster who eats people. Good stuff.

The show started out well enough. It quickly introduced some kind of creature that was tall and bumped into bushes and trees a lot. My wife mentioned it could be a dinosaur so I thought ?cool, dinosaurs?. After all, who doesn?t love dinosaurs and if Jurassic Park taught us one thing it was that man and dinosaurs are NOT meant to live together. But then they showed us a polar bear. A freakin? polar bear. Are you kidding me? They did not tell us the big creature was just a large polar bear, but I fear they are going down that road. So maybe no dinosaurs. Damn it.

Then the show started doing something that I hate with any story, whether it?s in a book, TV or in a movie. They started to introduce the supernatural into real life. Its fine if supernatural is part of the overall theme, like that Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings nonsense. I might not like it but at least I am expecting it. But to have the lead character see his dead father walking around!! Stop it. And the only thing I hate more than supernatural is strange dream sequences. Maybe I am not smart enough, but to try to interpret the meaning of someone dreaming something totally obsure from reality bugs me. Strange since my favorite TV series of all time was Twin Peaks, but still, I hate it.

So the show started to worry me when it introduced walking dead people that are either supernatural or part of some nonsense dream sequence.

The other thing about the show is that it makes NO attempt at hidden symbolism. It spells it out letter by letter, then explains it again, three times, slowly, to the audience. It just basically gives up that anyone watching the show can figure out a metaphor. If you saw it last week you know I am talking about that ridiculous caterpillar-moth-drug addict-kicking-his-habit crap they did. Was it really necessary to have the moth fly away at the same time the guy threw his drugs in the fire? Come on now Matthew, we expect more out of a series that you are staring in.

The last thing that bugs me is that the fat guy is not losing weight. Are you telling me that after 7 days of eating left over airline food and drinking very little water, an obese young guy would not start losing weight? And as my friend Tom pointed out, what happened to the gash in Charlie Salinger?s back? A week ago he had his girlfriend stitch him up with yarn and now there is not even a red mark. When I cut my finger last month cutting up boxes for the recyclable bin it took three weeks to get rid of the scab. And I still have a little scar.

Anyway, the show is fine for now. Entertaining enough. Just wish they stayed away from supernatural dream sequences that involve tropical polar bears who are symbolic.

Posted by David at 08:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

A couple of entries ago I gave an update on when the show as going to air. When I went to the show's website to find the local times for the show (the show's website has a function to enter your zip code and it will tell you when the show will air) to confirm what they told me, the Oct 28th time did not appear. I talked to the show's PR person and she said that the local PBS channel is having a fund raiser that day so around Boston the show will air for the first time on Sat, Oct 30. Please check your local listing. The show number is 304 I think.

Also, if you have Tivo and a DVD burner, please record the show and make me a copy.

And remember, the camera adds 10 pounds. In my case, it will probably add 20.

Another update on Monday, Oct 25 at 10PM...

Continue reading "Ask This Old House- Update" »

Posted by David at 08:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

<a href="http://www.moveyourasana.com/David/pictures/ATOH/index.htm" target=_blank>Click here</a> for pictures of the Ask This Old House work or cut and paste the following URL into your browser.

http://www.moveyourasana.com/David/pictures/ATOH/index.htm

PS. I just realized that the pictures were set up when I viewed them on my computer, where I have my screen resolution settings pretty small. For most viewers, the images will be too big for your screen and you will have to use the scroll bar. Sorry about that. I'll do it better next time.

Posted by David at 03:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Quick update. As some of you know, the program Ask This Old House did a segment on a project on our house. Tom Silva and I (Tom, really. I held the shop vac) cut a pass-through between our kitchen and dining room. The show was taped in May and it will finally air in a couple of weeks.

The information on when it will air was given to my by a press person from the show. From an email I got from the show. Keep in mind that based on your local programming, the times may differ.

<i>Your episode of Ask This Old House airs on WGBH 44 Thursday, October 28, 2004 at 8pm as part of The New This Old House Hour--the This Old House Carlisle project followed by Ask This Old House. It will air again on WGBH 2 Saturday, October 30, 2004 at 5pm. Please note that Ask This Old House airs in the second part of the This Old House hour so the exact times will be 8:30 and 5:30.

I have also embedded the episode description below.

Program #304 ? Thursday, October 28, 2004 at 8 pm ET (check local listings)
In the first half of The New This Old House Hour, general contractor Tom Silva brings in an excavator fitted with a hoeram to jackhammer away the ledge standing in the way of our new basement. Using a 3D model, plumbing and heating expert Richard Trethewey explains the anatomy of a septic system, and what we'll have to do to bring our system up to code. Under the jacked up barn, master carpenter Norm Abram shows the state of the existing rubble stone foundation. For inspiration, Kevin travels to Vermont to meet Ken Epworth of "The Barn People" - a group that rescues, restores, and relocates old timber frame barns. Ken shows Kevin how the old barns come down in the field, and how they go back up as restored barns and as dramatic living spaces. In the second half of the Hour, Tom visits homeowners David and Patti Dobrindt in Milton, Massachusetts to help them cut a pass-through in their kitchen wall. Then Tom, Richard, landscape contractor Roger Cook, and Kevin ask, "What is it?" In West Roxbury, Massachusetts Rich solves the mystery of the continuously-running toilet for homeowner Peter Fay.</i>

In addition, when they were creating their press release for the upcoming season, they called me to ask for a quote. Out of all the shows, they actually used a quote from me. You can read the <a href="http://www.thisoldhouse.com/toh/pressroom/tv/factsheets/article/0,17172,697311,00.html" target=_blank>press release here </a> or copy and paste the following into your browser.

http://www.thisoldhouse.com/toh/pressroom/tv/factsheets/article/0,17172,697311,00.html

Once the air shows, please direct any questions you might have to my agent. I don?t deal directly with fans.

Posted by David at 10:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Like every Thursday night, I find myself sitting in front of the TV watching Survivor. Couple of thoughts about tonight?s episode.

- When they showed the earthquake and the volcano, for one brief moment I thought my prayers would be answered and the survivors, and I use that term sarcastically, would be swallowed up by the earth and it would be the greatest TV moment ever. But that didn?t happen.

- Hey Redneck lady, of course you are more comfortable with 4 guys, YOU ARE A GUY. And let?s watch how we use the term ?lady?.

- Lisa looks like a skull painted brown.

- I know what it feels like to have a beer after doing yard work all day. I CAN NOT image how it feels like to have a beer after enduring the Survivor crap for two weeks.

- Is it me or does it seem like the challenges this year are more complicated than Boston driving directions.

- Why, why, why couldn?t the diving challenge result in bubbles coming to the surface followed by a dead body? Why? Is that really too much to ask for?

- Probst?s play by play is KILLING me. Just stop it.

Posted by David at 09:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Thursday night is great TV. It really is. You have the new season of Survivor, and I?ll be up front about it, I love Survivor. It doesn?t give me that pitter patter like it did in the first 24 seasons, but I still like it. But I do have to admit that after sitting through the first 7 minutes of tonight?s series debut I thought I had turned on National Geographic. I like knowing about the local tribes and shit, but it was a bit much. The local ?tribe?, who really work at WalMart on the other side of the island, came running up with spears and grunting and stuff. It was kind of embarrassing because for a second I thought they would actually spear the contestants and let them bleed to death on the shore and it would have been the best reality TV show ever. But that didn?t happen and I was stuck watching the beauty contest plod through its predictable first episode.

So then came the Apprentice and once again you had a bunch of media whores who hired an expensive trainer the minute they found out they were going to be on the show so they could bulk up and look good for their one chance at getting out of their small town and sad life. Pathetic, but I watch. So tonight begins a two month ritual of watching TV or taping the shows every Thursday night because I am a ?reality TV? junkie. It?s not true reality TV because the show are scripted and they have planned events, not like cops or the MTV things called fly-on-the-wall TV, but it sure is entertaining.

Trump picked awful and terrible people to prove a stupid point. Bad decision but GREAT TV. Bye-bye goatee boy, maybe now you?ll take off that stupid necklace you wear. And no, you are not a general. Tool.

Posted by David at 11:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

There is this Wendy?s commercial with this guy who is about to get married and his friends convince him to go get food at Wendy?s. They are all sitting in Wendy?s and one guy asked the groom something and he says ?I do? and he realizes he is missing his own wedding and then they take off. It?s hilarious. Anyway, I know the guy who plays the groom. He is good friends with my buddy from NY, Sean. He has been in some other commercials I think. He also does this comedy troop off off Broadway stuff. One time I went to a taping of the Conan O?Brien show with my friends Sean, Rich and Chris and after the taping we went to this guy?s play. The only skit I remember was this one where the guy I am talking about played Judas right before Judas turned Jesus in. The twist was that Judas was mentally handicapped and did not realize he turned Jesus in. There was this one scene where Jesus walks up to Judas and says something really profound and inspiring and Judas, with his hands in his pockets, looks at Jesus and says ?I like pizza?.

Posted by David at 05:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

He's right there, Kelly, right by the palm tree. Just turn right and you will see him. Turn. Now! LOOK. HE IS RIGHT THERE. Come on Justin, stop singing and look to your left. Kelly is there. YOU WALKED RIGHT BY HIM KELLY. You were SO close. Justin and Kelly, you WILL find each other.

If you know what I am talking about, kill yourself.

Posted by David at 10:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Monday night at midnight I was on an empty Hertz courtesy bus going from Orlando airport to pick up my rental car to drive ? hour to a hotel. I pretty much spent the day, Memorial Day, in transit. I started the day in the Hamptons NY where I was driven to Orient Point where I took a Ferry to New London where I took Amrak to Boston where I drove to my house where I packed a bag and then drove to Logan where I flew, at 8:30PM, to Orlando.

As I was staring out the window of the Hertz bus, thinking about being in the Hamptons, my thoughts kept turning to how perfect the day started. I spent the first half hour of the day in bed with my wife and daughter watching cartoons. Without a care in the world. Except for this crazy cartoon dragon and these two little Spanish kids. There is nothing that could have made a better start to the day.

Posted by David at 10:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

The filming of Ask This Old House finally took place last Thursday. Funny thing, as I write this, I am watching past episodes on the Dish TV my current Song flight offers. Zone seating might be awful, but Song got it right with their satellite TV.

Anyway, in case you have not been following my fascinating life, please let me recap the Ask This Old House story (<a href="http://www.dobrindts.com/movabletype/main/archives/000194.html" target=_blank>you can read the details here </a>).

Earlier this year I sent the TV show <a href="http://www.thisoldhouse.com/toh/tvprograms/asktoh" target=_blank>Ask This Old House, </a>a home improvement show based on the popular television show <a href="http://www.thisoldhouse.com/toh/" target=_blank>This Old House</a> a couple of emails with questions about my house. I am a home improvement enthusiast (but glad it?s not my full time job) and had a problem with a door not opening up all the way. On April 1 (yeah, I know, it was April fools day, good thing I didn?t think someone was playing a joke on me) one of the show?s producers called me. He said he looked over my email and thought my door problem might be interesting for a show. We talked for a while, I emailed him some pictures, and a week later the producer, Chris, and <a href="http://www.thisoldhouse.com/toh/tvprograms/asktoh/bios/article/0,16528,420219,00.html" target=_blank>Tom Silva </a> came out to look at my house.

A couple of weeks went by and I didn?t hear back so I figured they were going to take a pass. But Chris called and said they were not going to do the show on the door, but wanted to do a show on something else we talked about, a pass-through. For those who might not speak the secret language I do, a pass-through is a big hole in a wall, often between the kitchen and the dining room, which is like a big window with a counter and without glass. Our kitchen is pretty small so we wanted to put a pass-through between that room and our dining room. Chris said that Tom thought it would be interesting so we schedule the shoot to take place on Thursday, May 13.

To start, the night before the shoot I had a softball game and since I need to work on my ability to fall, I hit the ground pretty hard trying to catch a ball and scraped up my face. So even before I began my television career, I had a big bruise right above my left eye. Oh well, the viewers will think I am tough.

At 7 AM on Thursday morning, the crew started to arrive. First the camera guy, Deano, arrived in his SUV. This was followed by Tom Silva driving the Ask This Old House trailer behind his pick up, the producer Chris, the sound guy Jim and an assistant Anna. There they all were. An entire television crew, with little mic things clipped to my shirt and the transmitter in my back pocket, wearing headsets and speaking ?TV? language, doing stuff to lights and reflections, all there for little old me. All there to shoot a story around my little problem. My little pass-through. Some plaster, drywall and wood that is in my little house. The Emmy award nominated show with its crew of cool television people focused on my house, in my town, with my family and my home improvement problem.

The first thing we did was figure out what to do. While the crew set up around the house, Tom, Chris and I talked about the first ?scene?. It was actually the second scene because they filmed Tom driving up, getting out of his truck, and approaching my front door. But the first scene with me in it. While the producer was telling me what to say, and Tom was going over his lines, and the camera guy was telling me where to stand, and the assistant was checking sound quality on my mic, and the lighting guy was directing light onto the ceiling, I was daydreaming about how freakin cool the whole thing was. To be honest, I thought they would say ?just start talking?, the camera guy would capture it, and I would talk like I usually do when I shoot the breeze. But nope. Doesn?t work that way. So all of a sudden the camera guy yells ?speed?, the producer yells ?action?, Tom rings the bell, and I have no idea what I am suppose to do. I remember they mentioned something about me walking from the kitchen to the front door, passing Patti and Emily playing in the dining room, but after that I was not sure. So I fumbled with Tom at the door, introduced myself as Tom Silva, told the actual Tom Silva he should know who I am, and interrupted my wife saying hi.

So after about 4 or 5 ?takes?, I got the idea that I should pay attention to the crew and cast because they know what they are doing. Oh sure, I could improvise here and there, and offer a more personal line, but if I wanted to look like anything better than a total idiot, I best pay attention.

To cut to the end, the day was awesome. We ran into a small issue with electrical wiring, but that was easily written into the story as something I had to follow up with. They had catering delivered to the house and while eating it, Richard Thretheway stopped by. He was suppose to film a segment in the afternoon and knew we were running late. Since he heard he had the option of meeting the famous actor David Dobrindt, he decided to stop by and have lunch. Very nice guy. Actually, they were all very nice and very down to earth. While people might recognize them from being on TV, they are all blue collar, working men who grew up in working class neighborhoods working in a dieing trade.

The day ended around 3 with the crew going to their next shoot and me helping Tom clean up. Emily, our daughter, gave him a hug and kiss, we talked for a little while, and Tom and the Ask This Old House trailer pulled away, out of my life. I had to do some electrical work to reconnect two outlets, had put up sheet rock beading and finish the trim work, but the pass-through was framed in a professional and safe manner, I got a once in a lifetime experience, and had a blast.

I will post some more pictures as well as the release date of the shoot (Chris said to check with him over the summer). Good times and I encourage everyone to bring a film crew and TV personality to their house to do a project.

Posted by David at 11:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

At about 8:20 tonight I found myself sitting in my hotel room, eating dinner, doing work so my company can make more money, listening to American Idol on TV. Like most Americans, I?ve seen the show before but am not a regular viewer (the ?most Americans? part referred to seeing the show before, apparently many actually do watch it on a regular basis).

Anyway, I am listening and realized it was terrible. The singers were, in the words of Tommy, ? absolutely ******* gash?. The songs were awful, really awful. Now, with so few contestants, I figured they were the best of the lot. Or at least good enough to make it this far. But it was horrendous. I sing better after dropping a few beers and going along with Elvis Costello. And I realized why it was so bad. They were all signing Gloria Estefan songs. Sorry to say this, but Gloria Estefen songs suck when GLORIA ESTEFAN sings them.

My sweet loving God what were they thinking? And Gloria is sitting there on a fold up table with the fat dude, idiot cheerleader and the Brit trying to find some morsel of good to tell the poor idiots who are butchering her songs. She is probably thinking ?I am going to fire my agent as soon as this living hell ends?forget my comeback tour?. Elton John, Burk Bacharack, the only two that I have watched, I can see. They have nice songs that sound nice when people sing them nicely. But Gloria Estefan?s Latin salsa stuff is not for most Americans. Who?s next week? Vanilla Ice? Bobby Mcferin? Brad Roberts from the Crash Test Dummies? Please, American Idol producers, if by some chance of fate you read this, shame on you and your stupid tribute shows.

Posted by David at 09:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I?m sitting here watching a tape of last week?s Friends episode. I hate Friends. But to spend more time with Patti, I agreed to watch it.

Our conversation.

<u>Patti</u>: Oh, it?s over. Wait! There?s another episode on after it.

<u>Me</u>: Please take that steak knife and drive it slowly into my head.

<u>Patti</u>: Stop it.

<u>Me</u>: Please do it with both steak knives and make it painful.

<u>Patti</u>: How old are you?

Posted by David at 09:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Like talking about a no hitter in the 7th inning, I wasn?t going to say anything for fear of jinxing myself. But it?s too funny not too.

About 2 months ago I sent in a couple of questions to <a href="http://www.thisoldhouse.com/toh/tvprograms/asktoh" target=_blank>Ask This Old House,</a> a television show in its second season based on the popular <a href="http://www.thisoldhouse.com/toh/" target=_blank>This Old House</a> series. The show basically answers home improvement questions by going to people?s houses and doing the work with them. It?s a pretty cool show because the segments are short and practical, like me when I go clothes shopping. One of the questions I sent in was about my kitchen door not being able to open all the way because the stupid nook for the fridge is not deep enough and the door hits the fridge as you open it. It?s annoying as hell and so far, there was nothing I could do about it. At least nothing with my current skill set or willingness to pay someone. So I wrote in asking what to do.

Last week I received a call from Chris Dick, producer for Ask This Old House. He said they were interested in my problem, or ?challenge?, as they say in our overly sensitive world. So we talked on the phone for a bit, I showed him pictures on my web site, and then sent him some more pictures via email.

I was pretty jazzed. My life, as exciting as it is, rarely crosses into the world of national television. To get a call from a producer, not to mention entertaining the thought of being on a show, was cool. So I sent him the pictures and waited.

This evening I walked into the kitchen, through the door in question, and Patti was talking to her friend on the phone. She got off the phone and mentioned that Chris Dick called while I was out and was coming by the following morning and is interested in doing a segment on our kitchen door. Not only was he coming by, but he was coming by with <a href="http://www.thisoldhouse.com/toh/tvprograms/asktoh/bios/article/0,16528,420219,00.html" target=_blank>Tom Silva, </a>the general contractor that is one of the stars, or hosts, or whatever you want to call him, of the show.

For some this would be like Ben Harper coming by to play the guitar or like T Mac coming by to play hoops. For me, a home improvement fan by necessity, it was even better. I like This Old House, and I like Ask This Old House.

So tomorrow morning Tom, or as I call him Tommy, Silva and Chris are coming by. I put out my copies of This Old House magazine, worked on my spiel, and will see them tomorrow at 9:30. I?ll let you know how it goes.

<b><u>Update at 2:30PM, Tue Apr6:</u></b>

Tommy (Tom Silva), one of the hosts and subject matter experts, and Chris Dick, the show?s producer, were scheduled to come by this morning at 9:30. While waiting for them, I kind of felt like it was prom night and I was waiting for my date. The only thing missing was my prom dress. Our friend Danielle came by at 9:30 to get Patti and Emily (they were going to the Children?s Museum) and I answered the door like I was waiting for my handsome prince. She poked fun. Not sure why I was anxious, not really nervous, because there was no risk in having them come by.

Anyway, Chris and Tom came by at 9:30. We quickly got into the kitchen door issue and talked about various solutions. It was great! Tom is just like he is on the show. Soft spoken, dry sense of humor, very nice. For anyone who knows me, sarcasm is right up there with bad skin and round stomach on how you would describe me, so it was a fun time. Chris was a little younger than I thought and I was kind of curious how he got into such an interesting line of work. But we spent about half hour going over the door issue. At one point, I asked Tom if I could get his opinion on something else. No need to get into details (that no hitter in the 7th inning thing) but we talked about doing one of the two projects we discussed. I actually have a list of about 12 projects I would love to do, but I will be happy with anything. In fact, even if nothing happens after today, it?s made for a pretty funny story. I work and am friends with a lot of amateur home improvement people and Tom Silva, and This Old House, are very well watched.

After about 45 or 50 minutes they took off.

So I am waiting nervously by the phone to see if they will call and do one of my projects. I?ll let you know.

<u><b>Update: Tues, April 13 at 5:24PM</b></u>

Since a week had gone by, I figured Ask This Old House wanted to take a pass. Maybe they didn?t think my problem was interesting, maybe they didn?t think my house would accommodate cameras, maybe they thought I was a jerk. Who knows, but after a week I resolved to the fact that I came very close to being on television (ok, I was interviewed last fall while taking a tour of Fenway, but only two people said they saw me).

But this morning I got a call from Chris, one of the show?s producers. I am really interested in how he got that job because it seems pretty cool since he makes people happy. Oh, I know, there are some probably tedious and challenging aspects of his job, but at the end of the day his job = happy people.

So Chris called and said they want to do a segment on one of my home improvement jobs!! Shocked, I know. They want to do a show on me, my house, my problem, me. When I was a kid my life?s goals were like this ? win 5th grade dodge ball tournament, ask Tracy Rogan to roller skating party, get MBA, get job I can be proud of, get married to a wonderful woman, have healthy and happy kids, and get my face on Ask This Old House. The first two failed miserably but I am on track with the rest. And sometime in May Ask This Old House will come to my house and film me and Tom build a pass-through between my kitchen and dining room. I?ll let you know the specifics when I know.

- David

Posted by David at 10:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I was recently in Orlando for work and had planned on coming home Tuesday night so I could be home for Patti?s birthday on Wed. Some client issues made me realize I would not be able to make my 8:05PM flight home to Boston. So I called my company?s travel agent, American Express, and asked if I could switch to a 7AM flight the next morning. I was told there would be a $100 fee plus an additional $674 on top of the existing fare. Ridiculous, I know. So I called Delta directly and was able to change for no fee and no additional fare. I like Am Ex travel, but this is about as off mark as it gets.

Thought I'd share.

Posted by David at 12:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Last night I was watching something on PBS called <a href=" http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/kennedys " TARGET=_blank>American Experience: The Kennedys</a>, about the famous Kennedy family. For those who are not from this area (Boston), the Kennedy family history, well, at least the Kennedy family, is sacred. The Kennedys are from the Boston area. JFK?s father, Joseph, raised his family in a Boston community called Brookline. Joseph, JFK and Edward (aka Ted) were congressmen and senators in Massachusetts. Ed (aka Ted) is still one of our senators. The Kennedy family is like royalty around here. So it was interesting to watch the show on them because I never realized some of the tragedy that family has gone through and some of the very interesting facts. Sure, we all know about JFK being assassinated. Most of us know about Robert being killed as well. But did you know that the eldest son, Joseph Jr., was killed during WW2. Or that the eldest daughter, Rosemary, was born with serious learning disabilities, institutionalized and was finally given a lobotomy. Did you know another sister, Kathleen, lost her first husband, a Brit, during World War Two and she herself was killed in a plane crash with her second husband. Or did you know that Joseph Sr., JFK?s father, was married to the daughter of John ?Honey Fitz? Fitzgerald, a popular Boston mayor. Joseph Sr. was once the 12th richest man in the country. He was the first chairman of the SEC and the ambassador to Great Britain right before WW2. When John F. Kennedy was three, he almost died of scarlet fever. When he entered the navy, his first job was clerical because of his health. Most of his life he had some kind of health issue. Robert was his campaign manager during his senate run as well as presidential run. Cool stuff.

I usually like biography or news magazine type programs but rarely find them well done. But this one was great. I recommend it.

Posted by David at 03:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

As some of you know, I travel somewhat for work. It?s kind of hit or miss and lately it?s been a lot of hits. Since the beginning of June, I have been traveling to NY every week and at times, twice a week (I like to come home at least one night if I am there for 5 days). When I travel to NY, I always take the Delta Shuttle. The Delta Shuttle is a model of excellence in regional air travel. It?s relatively inexpensive (with my corporate discount), extremely efficient and runs close to on schedule almost all the time. Since the Shuttle is such a big player in the Boston-NY, and NY-DC market, I assume ATC gives it clearance to take off and land before other planes. Not sure, just a guess. I love the Delta Shuttle for what it is, what it can be, and what it?s not. Let me tell you a little more about it.

The Shuttle from Boston to NY (and back) leaves every hour on the half hour. It starts at like 6:30 in the morning and keeps going every hour until around 9 PM I think. During heavy travel times they add additional flights as well. It does not assign seats so it?s first come, first serve. I assume this is to help with the efficiency by which the planes are boarded and the high degree of on-time take-offs. They start boarding the plane a half hour before take-off. About 15 minutes before that (45 minutes before take-off), people start lining up to get on the plane first. You see, the aisle and window seats are gold. Aisle seats more golden. It?s a short flight but over half the people getting on board have suits on and like to read the paper, review files, type on their laptops, and enjoy the little extra room of an aisle or window seat. So for a 6:30PM flight, a bunch of people in suits and business dress start lining up at 5:45 so they don?t get stuck with the middle seat. It?s actually quite impressive. Anytime, day or night, morning or evening, if the flight is full, there will be a long line of people waiting to board a plane like sheep being herded into a shore pen. Again, the idea is to be the first on the plane and get the sweet sweet aisle seat that everyone, I mean everyone, wants. Even better, get the aisle seat near the front of the plane so you can get right off and be first in line at the taxi stand. It?s beautiful. Second row (not first, can?t stretch your feet), aisle seat, all bags up top for more foot room, off the plane the second the door opens, saying goodbye to the co-pilot who is forced to smile and say goodbye even though his contract and the union agree that it?s not his job, past the security person staring into the distance dreaming of working for the FBI, past the long line of people waiting to board your plane once it?s cleaned, first in line at the cab stand for the first eager driver to take shortcuts to your downtown meeting location. It?s wonderful. Two gate agents work the line to let everyone in quicker. It rewards travelers who get there early and stand in line, and penalizes those who are late by forcing them to ask, apologetically, for someone to get up so they can create havoc in the middle seat. That is actually a painful experience to watch. It?s embarrassing. Only middle seats left. Everyone in an aisle seat reading the paper high up so their face is blocked and you can?t make eye contact, others with their laptops open so someone won?t ask them to get up, others (this is beautiful in its effectiveness) feign sleeping since people instinctively feel bad about waking someone up. And the people who have to ask. They stand there in the aisle, looking around feebly for an empty seat like a lost child, realize it?s in vain and try to decide on who will hate them the least for taking the middle seat. Just awful. Anyway. People line up with their free magazines and newspapers, get on first, grab a good seat, and everything is fine. Right? Wrong. There is a wrinkle in this sheet. There?s an infield single in the 9th that ruins a no hitter. It?s called a random security check. Yep. A random. Security. Check.

So there I was. Last Tuesday night. I got to the airport at 6:25PM, too late for the 6:30 but ready to stand in line and be the first on for the crowded 7:30. I got to the gate and was the 5th person in line. At 7, they made the announcement that boarding would begin. So I?m stepping up to the plate, big pile of papers to read, pull-bag behind me, suit on, dreaming of my perfect seat, when I handed my ticket to the agent. Usually, after they scan it, your name immediately appears in the LCD display and you are off down the gangway. But this time, I handed him my ticket, he scanned it, and time stopped. I looked down with my hand out for the ticket and my ID, and the display did nothing. One second went by. Nothing. Rivers across the world stopped running. Birds dropped in mid flight. Another second. Still nothing. Ice caps melted. The seventh seal was broken. Then, it happened. My worst fear. It read [Random Security Check ? Dobrindt/D]. Sweet mother of God. I got hit. I got wacked. I didn?t know what to do. I froze. I stood there, mouth partially open, eyes as big as saucers, shoulders starting to sag, knees weak, and just looked at him. I looked at the display, then back at him. With a barely audible voice, I mumbled ?no?. It was like I was about to be shot. I had a vision of my near future. Me standing to the side, going through a full body search, while passengers who I recently looked back in line on and sneered, all walk past me to the diminishing number of good seats. Me, 20 minutes later, entering the plane, hair messed up from the rub down I would get, briefcase all messed up from the search, suit jacket hanging upside down from my arm, looking around the cabin for hope. Hope that would never come. Hope that would be held together with duct tape and glue but fall apart as soon as I entered the plane. Me, locating only 3 or 4 open middle seats between the most undesirable people on the plane.

I was standing there in front of the gate agent. It was terrible. A shot of panic ran through me like a painless cattle prod. I stood there. Then the most wonderful thing happened. The guy said the most precious three words (other than I Love You) that someone can hear. Just. Ignore. It. He said ?Just ignore it?. He said ?Just ignore it?. He said ?JUST IGNORE IT?. I?ve seen guys who were first in line get the message, pulled aside and watched them wonder onto the plane 20 minutes later in a daze. That was NOT going to be me. Not today. Not now. Not me. No way. Oh glorious airplane ticket guy. You just saved me and made my day. In a little bit of stunned amazement, I took my ticket and ID back, and walked onto the plane with a smile, feeling a little like I just avoided a minor accident, and took my aisle seat.

Update:

Flying into Boston there were low hanging clouds over Boston. One of the landing approaches takes the plane right over the Boston Harbor and onto the runway. We came out of the clouds right over the Harbor and about 50 feet above the tower and lights of a very tall ship. It shocked everyone on the right side of the plane. About a dozen people said something right away and by the time we landed, everyone was talking about it. I was up front and when the cockpit door opened, even the pilot said ?Did you see how close we were to that ship??

Posted by David at 09:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

With the amount of travel I have done (as a kid traveled with my family) and still do (I travel with work), you would think I would get used to rude people in the travel business. But my stay last week at the <a href="http://www.hilton.com/en/hi/hotels/index.jhtml;jsessionid=5HOM4IHH0BIZKCSGBIWM22QKIYFC5UUC?ctyhocn=NYCNHHH" TARGET=_blank>Hilton New York </a>was a new one for me. I had 5 separate interactions with hotel employees and they were all like <a href="http://us.imdb.com/Name?Ferrer,+Miguel" TARGET=_blank>Miguel Ferrer?s </a>Agent Albert in the Twin Peaks TV series. Awful. And I have patience for stuff like this. Here is the conversation between myself and the first person, notice how I say <i>FIRST </i>person, I checked in with. It?s an exaggeration, but only a slight one.

[Walk up without being called]

<u><b>Me</b></u>: Hi, I?m checking in, last name is Dobrindt.

<u><b>Check-In Monster</b></u>: Did I call you over here?

<u><b>Me</b></u>: Uh, well, no.

<u><b>Rude Wanna-Be Waldorf Clerk</b></u>: Get back in line.

[I walk back]
[20 seconds later]

<u><b>Arrogant Hotel Guy</b></u>: Next.

[I walk up]

<u><b>Me</b></u>: Hi, checking in please.

<u><b>Impolite Hotel Sloth </b></u><head bend down toward his computer screen, eyes never meeting mine>: Name! Hurry Up! Faster!

<u><b>Me</b></u>: Dobrindt. Here is my corporate card.

[evil hotel guy types away like he is writing the world?s greatest novel. No idea why so many key strokes. He then stares at the screen while ever so slightly moving his mouse]

<u><b>Me</b></u>: I have two quick questions. Can you please put me on a high floor if available? And is there any way I can have access to the club room?

[Hilton guy looks up at me without moving his head, his eyes pointing out the top of this eye sockets, above his glasses]

<u><b>Indecorous Jerk</b></u>: Oh, you want access to the club room? Are you Super High Precious Metal Level?

<u><b>Me</b></u>: No, I just thought I would?.

<u><b>Hotel Guy</b></u>: Platinum level then? Gold maybe? Have you paid for a Club Room level room?

<u><b>Me</b></u>: Don?t think so. Look, I just thought I would ask. I travel a lot and sometimes?

<u><b>Odious A-hole</b></u>: You don?t deserve access to that room. And you know it. It?s for well dressed corporate raiders and well known celebrities. It?s for good looking woman from far off exotic places to unwind after a day of shopping. Not you.

<u><b>Me</b></u>: Ok. Sorry. How about that room on a high floor?

[3 minutes later]

<u><b>Obnoxious Jackass</b></u>: We have a nice room right off this lobby, with no bath or toilet, and plywood on two milk crates for a bed. Plus the outside of the door says ?Utility Closet?. And it?s a smoking room. Will that be ok?

<u><b>Me</b></u>: N?no.

<u><b>Guy</b></u>: That is all we have. We can move you to the presidential suite at no extra cost the day after you check out.

<u><b>Me</b></u>: I used?

<u><b>Him</b></u>: SHUT!

<u><b>Me</b></u>: ?our corporate?

<u><b>Him</b></u>: UP!

<u><b>Me</b></u>: ?travel?

<u><b>Him</b></u>: SHUT!

<u><b>Me</b></u>: ?department?

<u><b>Him</b></u>: UP!

<u><b>Me</b></u>: ?to book?

<u><b>Him</b></u>: SHUT!

<u><b>Me</b></u>: ?this room?

<u><b>Him</b></u>: UP!

<u><b>Rude Hotel Clerk</b></u>: Please sign here. That will be $375 a night.

Believe it or not, I left the lobby with the room key, returned 2 minutes later, waited in a different line for 15 minutes, and told the next check in person that the room smelled like smoke and I was allergic to smoke (I am not allergic to anything and I didn?t go to the room). But that and the other 3 interactions were just as bad. When they screwed up my bill and I had to get another one when checking out, they actually made me feel bad for requesting a new bill. The woman never, ever said anything. Not a thank you. Not a have a nice day. Not a get the hell out of here. She simply took the bill from the printer, slid it across the counter, and walked away. I thought she was going to get an envelope or something but she talked to another clerk for a few seconds and disappeared into the back. It was like she was personally offended by my request.

Eh, what can you do? These things happen and life goes on. There are other hotels in NY.

Posted by David at 03:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)