Last night I was trying to find out some information on Johnny Damon and came across this stunning article. I am not going to paste the text into this blog becaues I am, well, too shocked, but here is a preview...

"And that story about the nurse at the hospital? That’s typical Johnny. He started having sex with her on the bed next to me while I was in labor. As you can imagine, I was pissed. I knew Johnny loved women, but he had never taken his obsession this far. This was the nurse that was delivering my baby, for God’s sake. Not only that, she was about 70 years old. I guess he didn’t put that in the book.”

And that's from his ex wife.

End of Season Thoughts

I’ve been pretty quiet lately, mostly because I am sick to my stomach about this season. Or at least I was, until I had some zen green tea, did some yoga and become one with nature. That, and I thought about it over a beer at the Saloon in Pearl River, NY. Some thoughts…

1. Terrible for the Yankees to NOT say anything about Torre in the stadium ceremonies. And don’t give us that crap about only honoring players. Torre was as much of a factor in the success of all those years as any player, and while I thought it was time for a change, he should have been a highlight. Jesus, most of the spectators ONLY know Torre as a Yankees manager and don’t even think of some of the older guys.

2. So, the Yankees went 10-4 over the last two weeks and even had a six game winning streak in there. And they took 2 out of 3 to the Sox the last weekend of the season, almost winning the third game. You know what that means to me? JACK SHIT!! Who freakin cares? They are still not playing in the post season. Ooooohh, wonderful, they can play well when it doesn’t count. GREAT!! Who cares. Why not play well when it does count?? That would be fun, you know, winning in the beginning of August and stuff. Look, I am realistic. With the injuries they had, their pitching was in trouble. And yeah, I know, the top three pitching staffs in the AL are all in the AL East, so they see a lot of good pitching, but SO DO THE RED SOX and DEVIL RAYS. And that’s another thing. I refuse to call them the “Rays”. It’s stupid that some dumb marketing research group doing focus groups with a bunch of idiots found out that people get offended by the term “Devil”. They should spend some time at Fenway to see what kind of offensive terms can be applied to a baseball team. How about the Tampa Sweet Rosy Cheek Cherub Rays with love arrows to shoot young couples with romance potion. Sweet Hey-Zeus they have to be joking.

3. Red Sox fans are now Yankee fans. You know that, right. When did I realize this? When fans had signs that said “2000” at the last home stand against the Yankees. 2000 is the last time the Yankees won a World Series. Hmm. 1918 was kind of catchy. The Red Sox hadn’t won a world series in 80-something years, so the Yanks played on that. But for some reason “2000” is not quite the same, because IT WAS ONLY 8 YEARS AGO. So for all Red Sox fans, welcome to my old world. You have no argument anymore that you are better than me. I am still better than you because I buy nice shoes, go to church (of the Fonz) and smell nice. So EFF OFF.

4. What is going on with Giardi. Have a pair of balls my friend. So you screwed up with Mo Rivera thing last week. Big deal. Don’t get all teary eyed and mamby pamby about learning things. You were acting like my 4 year old when I told him to apologize to his grandmother about breaking the chain that turns her antique lamp on. Oh, boo hoo, quivering lips. BE A MAN.

5. The Yankees will be fine next year. Again, if one of those major injuries didn’t occur, it would have been a different story. So it’s not like the organization is in trouble. They need starting pitching, need another outfielder, and someone to play first. My thoughts on some of the players.

Giambi. Giambi had a great year, and I mean great. 32 home runs, almost 100 RBIs (with not a lot of guys on base) and played first base a lot, and adequately. But goodbye. He would be a good DH, especially being a left hander, but not for any kind of money. He said he wants to come back, but he will get better money on the open market. Good luck, I always liked him even though he was over paid.

Abreau. I am torn on this one. He’s going to want a big contract, but is one of the most consistent players on the team and he never gets hurt. He hits for some power, high RBIs, steals some bases and is upper 290s usually in batting average. I would bring him back if he accepts an offer.

Mussina. I hate to say this, especially after he won 20 games, but I would not bring him back. He might want a 2 or 3 year deal to get to 300 wins, and he is not young. He would be a good 4 or 5, but not for 11 mil a year or whatever they paid him this year.

Pettitte. I, like most Yankee fans, like Pettitte. But at what price do you bring him back? He will probably want something in the range of 15 mil a year, which is way overpriced.

Pavano. This a-hole should play for free given how much he stole from the Yankees. He finally starts to win games when his contract is over. Out of principle, I wouldn’t even let him keep his Yankee’s jersey.

Cano. Trade him.

Hughes and Kennedy. Keep Hughes, get something for Kennedy.

6. The Red Sox can go eff themselves. And I mean that. I hate Pedrioa, who I swear I saw at my first grader’s field trip last week wearing a Power Rangers backpack. Curt Schilling continues to open up his big mouth, now its about Manny. I still love Francona. I have finally realized that Jason Varitek got divorced because he thinks he will sign with another team next year and wants to get married to his true love, a guy, in a state where gay marriage is legal. Nothing wrong with that, to each his own, but don’t hide it Jason. But other than that, I have no real opinion about the Red Sox. They have some serious injuries which unfortunately for them are coming at a terrible time. But this team is sort of like the last 1990s Yankees, they have some kind of magic that comes to life when it has to. Other teams fear them, and they seem to get things done when it counts. Good luck in the playoffs, I hope you lose in three.

7. So back to the Yankees. I have heard that it is less stressful being out of the playoffs before it starts, than heading into the playoffs, for Yankee fans. BULL CRAP. It sucks not being in the playoffs. Sure, when I knew they were out I kind of relaxed a little, but no way it’s better. Nope.

8. So the Yankees are not playing in October for the first time in 13 years. But the things a lot of fans do not put into perspective because it is all about “now”, is the unprecedented success this team has had over the last 13 years. There was one period when they were in 6 out of 8 World Series, won 4 out of 5 World Series, and were 3 outs away from winning 5 out of 6. It has been an incredible run that took a year off because of injuries and some underperforming players. It doesn’t make this year any more fun, but it makes it a little easier. I am not sure what is worse, getting into the post season for the first time in 25 years like the Brewers, or being out for the first time in 13 years. I would say the Brewers situation is worst, but I am not a Brewers fan.

9. If I were a Red Sox fan, I would be steamed with what Manny is saying and doing out west. He actually said in an interview that he was never happy in Boston. Check out the LA Times. I, personally, love it, but I hate the Red Sox.

10. I went to a Sox game last week when they clinched a playoff spot, and got kicked out of the game in the 7th inning. I didn’t actually get kicked out, a friend of mine did, but I had his back and went to. It was the first time in my life I got kicked out of a sporting event.

Ok Yankees organization, you are starting to really piss me off. And trust me, you do. Not. Want. To. FUCK WITH ME. I’m working today, something unfamiliar to most Red Sox fans, and I decided to turn on the Yankees game using MLB.com. I switch it on and the Yankees are up 2-1 with Pettitte pitching. Then all of a sudden, its bases loaded, he gets two outs, then the shit hits the fan. He gives up a single, and the circus of players start to throw the goddamn ball all around, ultimately allowing three freakin RUNS TO SCORE.

The team has been lackluster, no, more like zombies, on offense. Defense is acting like me at some school function my wife drags me to, and pitching sucks ass. They are mailing it in and I DON’T LIKE IT. Not one bit, and you do not want Dave to get angry, because the Incredible Hulk cries his ass to sleep when Dave is angry. Jesus FUCKING Christ go down with some BALLS. I thought that over the last 6 weeks, the Yankees would be playing every game like it matters…which IT DOES. But instead they are out there sleep walking pretending it’s the last day of school and they are all seniors. For fucks sake, play spoiler. Try to get your stats up. Throw your arm out you have the rest of the year to FREAKIN REST.

Forget injuries. They killed the Yanks this year. But who cut off the players’ balls? As a Yankee fan, we have grown accustomed to a team that fights until the end. Sort of like Michael Vicks dog that is so badly beaten he can’t stand, but he still bites the other dog in the ankle. Well, let me tell you something, THIS Yankee fan doesn’t like what he is seeing. There is definitely no fight in this dog.

Look, I am realistic. The Yankees had their number one and then number two starter go down. They have had four of their best players go on the IR. Young pitchers they bet the season on shit the bed. Young fielders they thought would produce did not. Life goes on. But for the studs that walk around with their swinging dicks that are still out there, well, I expected more. All Yankee fans did. You can lose, but lose with dignity and with a fight. All I hear is the same old lines repeated over and over to the media until it is meaningless.

I will always love the Yankees. I did during the 80s and early 90s when they sucked. I did in the 70s when they were great. And I will when the cycle runs back up. But for now, I do not like how they are playing and as a devoted fan, felt the need to speak out.

And as for Schilling. Hey FAT BOY, NOBODY CARES WHAT YOU THINK. For those who might not know, ASS FACE opened his big mouth again yesterday and had this to say (with my comments)

“The Yankees suck this year, and they're bitter and mad and they're making excuses over that” (Ok, I can’t argue with that. He is right. I am bitter and made and I have made excuses. This one goes to man boobs)

“Now they've got Tom going down, so New York's excited.” (Uhm, yeah dumb ass, it actually gives the Jets a chance for the first time since 2001. As it does Miami and Buffalo. But I didn’t hear you ripping them did I. Did I?? Huh?? Did you say Buffalo fans are idiots for being excited that the greatest team over the last 7 years and probably in the history of football with one of the greatest QBs to play the game is now mere mortal. NO, I DIDN’T. NOW SHUT IT BLOW FISH FACE!!)

“The sad part is going to be when [the Patriots] beat the Jets.” He ended up predicting a possible 11-5 finish for the Brady-free Patriots this season. (Ok, so you are from Arizona, right? Right? Not sure. So now you are a band wagon Patriots fan making predictions on how they are going to do?? Where do you get off being so bold? Oh, yeah, I forgot, you are a professional athlete who has an opinion about everything from politics to movies to business to football to how to seed your lawn to get a solid green consistent texture. My bad. I need to listen to you because you make more money than me and are a better athlete thus you are better than me. Again, my bad. I will now crawl back to the hole and row with the rest of the slaves ASS FACE).

“The euphoria in New York is palpable," Schilling said when asked about Brady's injury. "They want us to be as bitter and mad and miserable as they are, and unfortunately it's not going to happen." (This I don’t get. Yes, I am bitter and mad and miserable, which to be honest are all traits I picked up living in Boston for the past 11 years. Has he ever met a Red Sox fan?? Bitter, Mad, and Miserable are the three most common baby names given out to Red Sox fans over the last 86 years, and I am just talking about the girls. Who is he kidding? No one is expecting Patriots fans to be bitter or anything close to that. They have had more greatness over the last 7 years then most football fans have in a lifetime. They get that. They understand that football is a violent game that can take a turn in a second. Unfortunately Brady was such a kingpin of their success that they went from number 1 in the Vegas market to win the Super Bowl to number 12 after he went out. But any football fans, and I hate to say this but especially Patriot fans who are very smart about the game, understand that. But I will tell you Schillster, what’s NOT going to happen is a total loss of the season. Until proven otherwise, Belichick will do just fine, even with a QB that hasn’t started a game since high school. That’s another thing. How does a guy who never started a game in college, even backing up two Heisman winners, get a job as a back up on a pro team? You are telling me there aren’t very good STARTING college quarterbacks who aren’t better? It’s strange, don’t you think.

Anyway, Schilling can go fug himself and play video games and eat pig fat all day long. My Yankees are MY problem, not his, and I will deal with it. Now I have to go, I have Cashman on the other line, he needs some advice on what to do with the 88 mil that is coming free this year this obviously the team has decided its over.

When I said the Yankees had to do something with 25 games left, they went out and went 3 for 2. Not what they needed to do, esp since the Red Sox are not losing games. So with 20 left, www.waswatching.com put it in perspective...

"The Yankees have 20 games left to the 2008 season.

Any combination of Yankees losses and Rays wins, from here out, that equal 12 means that New York will never be able to catch Tampa Bay in the standings.

Any combination of Yankees losses and Red Sox wins, from here out, that equal 14 means that New York will never be able to catch Boston in the standings.

Let’s assume that the Yankees go 14-6 in their remaining 20 games. If the Rays go 6-16 in their remaining 22 games, it won’t matter that the Yankees played .700 ball - because Tampa Bay would still finish ahead of the Yankees. And, if the Red Sox go 8-13 in their remaining 21 games, it won’t matter that the Yankees played .700 ball - because Boston would still finish ahead of the Yankees.

Los Yanquis están muertos, mi amigo.

Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise."

Things are not looking real good right now. It would be one thing if the Yanks were playing lights out ball, but not the case. Putting up 13 against Detroit, while almost giving the game away, is not something that makes me feel warm and fuzzy, like swallowing a cat. So here are some stats...

It's Sept 2. The Yanks have 25 games left in the year. They will not win the division, they are 12 games behind Tampa, which I finally agreed is legit. At least regular-season legit. So that leaves the Wild Card, which as of today they are 7 behind the Red Sox, and 4 behind both Minnesota and the White Sox.

Not sure what they have to go in terms of percentage, and what other teams have to do, but its so lopsided that its almost impossible.

Out of those 25 games, they have...

6 against Tampa, which they are 7-5 this year. Not good. They will need to sweep one of the best teams in baseball. First series starts tonight.

3 against Seattle, which is an awful team, and the Yanks are 6-0. They NEED to sweep a team they should sweep.

3 against the Angels, and they are 2-5 so far, and have no chance of beating. So that is 3 losses.

Remember, the Yanks probably have to go 21-4 to have a shot of making the wild card. Just a guess.

4 against the White Sox. They are 2-1 against a team that is playing for their lives in a division that only the div winner will make the post season.

3 against Baltimore. They are a pathetic 8-7 against them this year. Freakin embarrassing.

3 against Toronto, a team that has a slim shot at the post season. Right now they are only a couple behind the Yanks.

3 more against the Red Sox. Its the last series of the year, so who knows what it will come down to. But so far this year, they are one game under 500 against the Sox, at 7-8.

So that made me think of the last time the Yanks did not play in the post season. If you remember, the Wild Card was first started in 94. Well, the Yanks were 70-43 in the beginning of August, and had the second best record in baseball, when players went on strike. Ouch.

So in 1995, the Yankees made the post season as the first wild card team. The Red Sox won the division. Cleveland beat the Sox that year in the division playoffs, and the Yanks lost to the Mariners in a historical playoff series. Great drama that year.

Then the Yanks won the division in 96, Wild Card in 97, the division in 98, div in 99, div in 2000, and every year after until 2007, when the Red Sox won the division. The Yanks made the playoffs in 07 as the Wild Card.

The Red Sox made the post season in 2007, 2005, 2004, 2003, 1999, 1998 (first year living in Boston for me), 1995.

Looking back a little farther, Toronto won the division in 1993 (yankees second place, Red Sox 5th place that year). 1992 Toronto won the division, Yanks in 4th place, Sox in last out of 7 teams. Toronto also won the division in 1991, with the Red Sox wining in 1990. Oakland beat the Red Sox that year in 4 games, then lost a very surprising World Series to Cincinnati in 4 games. I remember that series, it was a huge upset.

So anyway, the Yanks have been in the playoffs since 1995, and would probably have been in 1994. This year it could all end. Just like that.

Well Suzyn, in life all good things come to an end.

The end is near my friends. I can smell death, and I can taste the end of a playoff era. I try to keep my swagger and arrogance, but lets be realistic. This team is playing with as much energy as John Daly in church. Yes, the injuries have been devastating, and probably can be the single reason why they are where they are. Wang, Chamberlain, Posada, Hughes, Matsui, Kennedy, ARod, and Damon all were out. That is a huge list of key players, but what about Cano or Melky. They SUCK this year. I wish Cano would have a little spring in his step. And if Melky can’t catch balls, he is useless.

So I am going to sit back and stew in my own misery watching the Red Sox win, while the Yanks continue this train wreck.

PS. I think Girardi is doing a very good job. No way you can ping any of this on him. Yeah, some questionable moves here and there, but overall I would give him a high mark for this year.

PSS. If the Yankees some how manage to come back and take over the wild card or the division with some miraculous comeback, ignore anything I wrote between “the end is near…” and “…PSS”.

Dave