Red Sox Stink 2007

I refuse to go back to the dark side – being a Yankee fan. I have made the commitment to this wacky world of Red Sox Nation.

So here we are, almost end of July, and the Red Sox are 7.5 games in front of the Yankees. We won all those games with David Ortiz sitting nursing a sore shoulder, which tells you how great out team is. Greater than great. It’s the greatestest. In fact, world harmony cannot be achieved without the Red Sox. And while the Yankees beat up on double-A teams, the Red Sox beat powerhouse teams like Chicago and the Indians. Wait until we see Tampa, Kansas City and Toronto, WHOOO, we are going to KILL them.

So even when our pitching doesn’t come through, which is very very rare, because we have 6 potential Cy Young winners and that doesn’t include Pedroia, our hitting steps up and puts some big numbers on the board, like last night. And it was so perfect because the Yankees, hahahaha, lost to Kansas City, a team that we are never going to lose to this year. Oh wait, we are 3-3 against the Royals. Well, forgot that, we are not going to lose another game to them again.

So go Sox, eff the Yanks, and let’s GET DRUNK!!

Posted by David at 03:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

I am a Red Sox fan now, but IF I were a Yankee fan, I would ask the following question.

Now that Julio Lugo is starting to hit, the chatter is slowing down from Idiot Nation on why they let Orlando Cabrera leave without making an offer. Look, I could care less what train wreck they put in the short stop position, it makes for great radio, but why DID they let him go? Sean McAdam skirted the issue the other morning on the radio but I have heard rumors that it had to do with off-field issues. This town will put up with a serial killer if he hits for a high average, so it must have been pretty bad.

Either way, I am praying for Lugo to go back down below the Mendoza line because I need something to make me feel good about being a Yankee fan - Wily Mo Pena is just not cutting it anymore.

Posted by David at 08:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBacks (0)

Good weekend Red Sox fans. They finally moved Tavarez to the bullpen and we get to see Lester tonight. We beat up on the Central Division leading White Sox team, a team that is probably the second best team in the league right now. Oh, wait, I am thinking about the Tigers. The White Sox suck, especially their bullpen. But we beat them anyway so good stuff.

The Yankees destroyed Tampa and since we have not played them yet, we will destroy them even worse. The division is ours and the Yankees have no luck.

The other interesting thing about being a Red Sox fan is that I feel compelled to buy everything with a Red Sox logo. I have new hats, a couple of jerseys, shorts, a jacket, sweatpants, a spare tire cover, a mouse pad, a coffee mug, a flashlight, a rare Terry Francona bobble head doll I bought on ebay, stationary, a few DVDs, a lamp, a few pens and a beer coaster. I am broke, but at least people know I love the Red Sox.

Posted by David at 03:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

You know, being a Red Sox fan is great. It's made my life much easier. I don't worry about bathing, shaving, brushing my teeth and general hygiene. I drink more, more often. I find myself using bad language more and in inappropriate places. When I like someone, I call them a "shit", as in "he's good shit". I use weird phrases that don't make sense like "so ain't I" and "irregardless". I also opine on topics I know nothing about, like physics and politics in eastern Europe and rugby, and I pretend I know all the answers. I also find myself making bets on silly things, like what US Navy aircraft carrier is longer, betting a dollar and refusing to give up even if I am wrong. But the biggest impact is in my knowledge of sports. All of a sudden I have all the answers to what is wrong with the Sox.

So now on the this bunch of losers that lost again last night to the lowly Royals. When is Francona going to sit DL Drew and when is he going to put Tavarez in the bullpen. This team needs to hit better and get it going, otherwise it will be another year of watching other teams in the playoffs. It's KILLING ME. We now only have a 7 game lead and the Yankees are playing freakin great, even though they SUCK. We are 20-23 in the last 43 games and certain players are not pulling their weight. We need to get Ken Griffey or Torri Hunter to play the outfield. We need to trade Willy Mo Pena to Cincinnati and get Griffey which is a good deal for Cinci I think.

The one bright spot was Papelbon striking out the side in the 9th, with the fans going crazy. I know it wasn't a save situation, but we didn't fall farther behind. Love that guy. Best closer in the history of the game.

Dave Out.

Posted by David at 02:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

As a newly minted Red Sox fan, I get a weird tingly feeling in my ass when I watch Manny play. I know I said that I love Manny and I can put up with his nonsense because its Manny being Manny, but today is a different story. Why can't he play better defense. The Red Sox would have won an additional 20 games this year, AT LEAST, if he would back up a few steps. I played little league baseball and a few years in the Fat and Slow Men's Softball league, so I know what I am talking about. I am an expert. And he needs to back up a little.

Did I mentioned that as long as Manny hits 40/120, he can do whatever he wants to anyone he wants. Manny, cute and cuddly guy Ilovehimsomuch.

We need to get rid of Manny, bum.

Manny is the greatest hitter in the game right now, bar NONE.

What has he done for us, besides won a World Series and get voted the MVP. Other than that, what has he done for us?? Nothing!!

Poor Wakefield. No run support. After all, the guy should be able to give up 6 runs and still win the game. Now the hitting needs to come through.

Good thing the Yankees lost last night...oh, wait, they won. Oh well, they are still like 14 games back, right? They are still really far behind the Sox, aren't they? I have trouble reading the standings, all those numbers make my head spin. Or maybe it's the vodka.

Posted by David at 03:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Oh my good-didily-goodness, what a nice surprise, like finding a shiny penny while going for a long walk on the beach. For those Red Sox fans, which I am one of now, who did not see the game last night, Jason Gabbard pitched a complete game shut out. Jason is filling in for my own personal god, Curt Mr. Bloody Sock Schilling, and guess what fresh buck Gabbard did?? He added to the Red Sox already DOMINANT and major league leading pitching staff by pitching a three hit gem. So now the Red Sox have another potential rookie of the year AS WELL AS a Cy Young candidate. It sucks to be a Yankee fan now hahahahahah eff those pin stripe losers.

So lets take a tally. It is going to be hard for the powers that be to decide on which Red Sox member will win rookie of the year - Pedroia, Dice-K, Okijama, Wakefield, or Pena. As for the Cy Young, this might be the first year there is a five-way tie all within the same team - Schilling, Beckett, Dice-K, Okijama, Gabbard and Crisp.

In fact, it not only sucks to be a Yankee fan, it sucks to be a fan of any of the other inferior loser walking-dead baseball teams that dare to compete against the Sox in this wonderful league.

Now off to beat my grandmother.

Posted by David at 12:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Now that I’m a Red Sox fan, it’s made my life much easier. For starters, I don’t need to back up any argument with anything as silly as facts. I can just shout louder than the other drunk at the bar and I’ll win the argument.

Thirdly, my view is so myopic (a Yankee fan friend of mine taught me that word) that I only see my own players, and can’t recognize anything good in any other player. For example, there is no other closer as good as Papelbon, now or in the past, to ever put on a uniform. He is a first ballot hall of fame pitcher who has no one even near his ability.

So here we are, just split a 4 game series with the Blue Jays, and WE ARE 9 GAMES IN FRONT OF THE YANKEES. Hahaha. Yankees SUCK. Their payroll is 270 million dollars, they are paying 35 million for ARod, paying The Rocket 4 million a day to pitch and allow him to fly home whenever he wants on the Yankee jet, and for what?? To be one game over 500. Ha, it serves them right.

I am starting to get a little worried about the Sox. They will win the division, and make it to the World Series where they will win in 4 games, but they are not hitting right now. As a Red Sox fan, any game where they don’t win by at least 8 runs is disappointing. When you have Josh Beckett go into the 8th and only give up two runs and they still lose, well, to be honest, it makes me want to punch my grandmother in the head, again. So things better start to change for the Red Sox or my nana is going to be hurting pretty bad come October.

I am going to watch the Yankee game because YOU KNOW the Blue Jays will plunk AFrod for helling “Your Momma’s A Whore” to the third baseman when he was running the bases. I just hope they drill him in his lip gloss lips to wipe that disturbing color off his lips.

Posted by David at 06:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Now that I am a Red Sox fan, I want to make a few comments on some players and the All Star game. But first, once I decided to join Loser...I mean Red Sox Nation, for some reason everything I learned in grad school, college, and grades 7-12 is now gone. I clearly remember 6th grade though, after all it took me three times to get through it.

So now, on to some comments.

First, the All Star game was a great showcase for our team. The only thing I am pissed about is that Beckett didn't start, ohmygodilovehimsomuch, and that he didn't pitch into the 8th inning where they should have just turned it over to Papelbon, ohmygodilovehimsomuch. After all, Josh B as I like to call him, is the BEST, PITCHER, IN, THE, GAME. Or I should say the best starter, since Papelbon is the best closer. I think Beckett is going to win the Cy Young, AL MVP, Rookie of the Year and the Silver Star. It's great to watch him pitch every 3rd day.

As for the closer, he is WAY better than Mariano Rivera in NY. He is a much better closer, not just now at different ages, but I can tell that he is better than Mo when Mo was in him prime. Anyone can see that. Forget that Gammons thinks Rivera was the most important baseball player over the last 10 years, Paps is a better closer and the best closer in the history of the game case CLOSED.

That brings me to another thing. Manny Ramirez. Forget the fact that Manny kicked a nun in the hip because she got on an elevator with him, or that he spit on a little kids tricycle, because that is just Manny being Manny hehe OMG LOL he is so cute. I love the hair and the fact that he is on pace to hit 48 home runs, 138 RBI and bat 329 this year. Another great year for Manny, who is probably the best left fielder in the game since coming to Boston.

As for the Yankees, well, THEY SUCK. YANKEES SUCK! YANKEES SUCK!! Come on, sing it with me. Lets go, right here, in your living room or at work...YANKEES SUCK, YANKEES SUCK. I love that chant. It's going to be my wedding song if I ever move out of my parents basement and get the nerve to talk to a girl. I tried to download it on iTunes but couldn't figure out how to use iTunes. Guess you need a technical degree from Devry to do that, which, by the way, I am working on. Or at least working on filling out the app, these damn things are hard.

So there it is, a couple of comments about the great and mighty Red Sox. They start again tonight and if you haven't head, 91 out of their remaining 98 games are against teams that are currently at .300, so the sox should finish the year at 164-41, a fine year if I say so myself. Then they skip the first round of the playoffs, go right to Cleveland to play the Tigers, and then off to Miami for the World Series against some triple A team from the national league.

Here's to another great year (taking a swig of my beer, even though it's 8 in the morning), may the gods of baseball keep shining on my Red Sox.

Posted by David at 12:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

I am now a Red Sox fan. I have seen the light, drunk the cool-aid and had an epiphany. The Red Sox are a bunch of winners, and the Yankees cannot freakin use their huge talent pool and payroll to WIN. Its ugly and I am SICK OF IT.

Go Sox!!

Posted by David at 06:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)